Sunday, January 11, 2015

Me Today: In Spite of Me

When my girls were born or maybe even before, I had a dream about how I would raise my children. I would homeschool them, teach them about the Lord and instill in them a desire to meet with the Lord in daily quite times. I love the Lord and have had seasons in which I am meeting with Him in daily quite times but three years ago something changed. I became divorced. A single mom with more responsibility than I ever thought possible. I was suddenly on my own. The Lord has been faithful to me in whatever season I am in. If I am practicing spiritual disciplines, He is there. If I am going through a dry season and I don't feel close to Him, He is there. I've felt close to the Lord these past three years but I haven't been practicing spiritual disciplines such as reading my Bible daily. I worship Him through music but my heart is weary and I often wonder if He is disappointed. The He shows up and whispers to me that He knows my heart and loves me dearly. Even though, I continue to have the desire to teach my girls about Jesus. We go to church, Tabitha is on the worship team and she talks of the Lord often. But we as a family don't worship the Lord or do we? Years ago the Lord taught me that one of the most important things I can do is to walk and talk with my children about Him. We don't "sit" with Jesus as a family but I notice that we talk about Him constantly. As something comes up on the news or the girls are struggling with a friendship or their homework, we talk about how the Lord is in it all. We talk about Jesus. This doesn't excuse the fact that Bible reading and family time is important but what I am showing my girls is Gods grace, When they fall short, He is there. In spite of my lack of leadership in our family, He is there.

It was late, and Tabitha was up way past her bedtime. As I was asking her to go to sleep she picked up a devotional and said she wanted to read her Bible before she went to sleep.  I just smiled and said of course. In spite of me, God is whispering  to Tabitha and Sophie that He is there. That the Bible is important and that He loves them with all His heart. They know His grace. They are experiencing it daily. Following the Lord is messy around here but in spite of us, He shows up.