Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Me today. No longer silent

Sometimes I really don't like the fact that the Lord made me so sensitive. He gave me the gift of seeing the good in everyone! I am fascinated in why people do what they do. Yes. I know it is our sin nature but why do some dive off the slippery slop into the darkest of dark places while others simply think bad thoughts? I'm not  angry at the world. I'm sad. When sin comes at me and my family, when there is rape, child molestation , abandonment, divorce, infidelity....it makes me ask why? It makes me want to run into the arms of my Saviour, Jesus Christ and stay there..the beauty of it is I can. Today, I wanted to just make it all go away, the pain in my life, in my daughters life. I can't "make" it go away but I can rest in Him and call, scream, cry out to Him. And I did. I feel a little bit better. My mind doesn't feel like it is taking over as much.

But when I read that 1 out of 6 boys is molested and 1 out of 5 girls, I want to throw up. Well I actually did! Part of my story ( which will be in the book that I am writing) is that I was molested at the age of 6 for about 1 year by a neighbor.

It was on the news this past weekend that a molester whom both myself  and my daughter actually knew from a community we are involved, was arrested for child molestation he did in 2007. When my daughter said he seemed "nice and fun." My heart grieved for her confusion, for the boys abused in 2007 and for the man.

The man that jumped off into the deepest of darkest places of sin. The man that hurt me when I was little. The monster and yes, the man. Totally confusing. Why?

I hate that I know too much. I hate that I knew this man mentioned above. I hate that he had any contact with my girls. It opened up a HUGE wound in my heart from my childhood. I hate that I am always talking about things of depth.

I hate that I am publishing this. I hate that you now know this about me. But most of all I hate staying silent. I've been silent for too long and it has been out of fear. Fear of what you will think of me. The little girl in me is fearful yet the women in me says,"1-5 little girls is being molested in our world." I'm not the only one being silent. 

Let's help to break the silence!

But if it just helps one of those 1-5 girls or 1-6 boys...then my transparency is worth it.

RAINN is a great resource if you know someone who has been effected by sexual abuse....

Sad, but a surviver....and a believer in the one who rescued me and will continue. My beloved Jesus Christ.

He is my only joy at times...thank you Lord

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him." Psalm 28:7


FrenchGardenHouse said...

Donna, I can't describe how brave I think you are, and how excited I am that you are turning something that the enemy meant for evil into something GOOD. Something that draws others to our savior, something that encourages and comes along side of all the others who think they are the only ones.

Always keeping you in prayer, sweetie. I can imagine that the events of the past week are doubly painful for you, and opens you back up to hurt. But also, it is so good to know that you can run into Jesus' arms, and feel safe there.

I am so thankful that you are gathering the courage to break the secrets, the silence. And that you are touching the lives of others, and using your story to help others navigate to the truth and the light is a huge bonus. Xoxo

Anonymous said...

Forgive me if I am repeating myself. I left a very long comment and think I didn't post it correctly...but it is so important to me that I want to repost...

I am so so so proud of you for every word you have written. I know, unfortunately, that you are not alone. I know that for those of us that haven't seen this evil face to face, we have come close, missed it by a small margin or just been lucky. It is everywhere and preying in the most unlikely places. It is painful that the only ones that can shine light on this evil are the innocents...for they are the only ones that know their faces...everyone else sees them as good, helpful, wonderful people....that is what makes it so manipulative and confusing to a young person. This is pure EVIL and doesn't in any way reflect on the survivor of such abuse....but to me, is more or less like the randomness of a bullet in war. Some get hit. Some don't. More and more survivors are speaking out, and it is only when all of them do that we will see this in daylight and show these people that they can't hide in our sunday schools, our boy scouts, our churches, our sports, our neighborhoods. You are a brave and empowering woman. I thank God for people like you. But my heart breaks for what you have had to endure. We all have scars, some bigger, different shapes, some fade with time, some don't....but our God can heal every one. xoxoxo

Nesting Momma said...

My friends,
Thank you for such kind words. I don't know how to respond, I feel so loved and will just let your words of wisdom and encouragement soak in.
I didn't remember the faces of the evil ones until my mid 20's or at least that was when my mind could handle remembering and reporting. Yes, I reported even though it was 20 years past, just in case others did to....it wouldn't help me but it could help younger victims.