Saturday, April 21, 2012

Me. Today. Letter to my younger self

I wrote to you years ago and we haven't spoken for a while. Last time I looked into your eyes the pain was so deep I had to turn away. You've grown up and maybe the pain has lessened a bit. Maybe this time I can look into your eyes.

This letter to you was prompted bya brave friend...I'm sure it will be helpful but right now you hate this process and have put it off for weeks.

I've always loved you; I've just been afraid of your story, your pain. Your pain scares me. Your neediness for others to know your story repulses me but I love you and I get it. You've threatened to go to really dark places and never return at times and I wanted to follow you into that black hole. But you've learned. You are learning that God loves you deeply and when others fail you He is always there. When you feel like everyone is getting sick of hearing about your pain God is there. He is. You get it.

You had dreams as a little girl, you were a day dreamer. None of them came true. But good things have come your way.

When I was 25 I wrote to you. It is now 20 years later.

~you like yourself more and you are not so self destructive.
~ you've forgiven yourself for all the foolish mistakes of your youth.
~your first love of 5 years, truly loved you even though he left you with more scares to show. But you know in your heart he truly loved you. I know this helps.
~You hate yourself at times and hate that you hate yourself.
~ Your mind goes round and round coming up with the same conclusions on subjects that don't matter. You hate that and tell that part of you to be quiet but it speaks loudly...but you love yourself right?

Frustrated all the time, aren't you?

Beautiful Donna, You know your friends aren't going anywhere. You are blessed more then you even could imagine with people who love you dearly and people who want to know you.

You hate that, I know.

Little girl, you never thought your husband of the future would leave you. He did.

That hurt didn't it?

You're frustrated.

The man of many friends [a friend of all the world] will prove himself a bad friend, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24.... These are the friends you have!

You're pain seems to have lessened a bit..NO? Oh, you have just learned how to manage it.
Yes, pain has been released and more pain has entered but you my friend are doing well.

Continue to give your heart to Jesus, all of it with wild abandonment and He will set you free.


Jay DePoy said...

This is beautiful, Donna. I hope it helps to bring healing! You are loved...

Keep going...

Nesting Momma said...

It was good to look myself in the mirror and be completely honest. It did bring some healing and I think that will continue as I give my heart in wild abandonment to Jesus.