Thursday, September 13, 2007

Am I A Women Of Faith?

Last Saturday I spent my day with thousands of other women at the Honda Center in Anaheim CA. The conference title was "Women Of Faith" these women were amazing not because they are spiritual giants that had it all together but they are women of faith because in the trenches, the valleys they choose to trust in Jesus.They trust that He can be their peace when peace is not what the world offers; sanity when life does not seem sane and wisdom when they have nothing in them wise to say. Yet, the Holy Spirit uses them as willing vessels to minister to others around them. these women are available, present, looking for ways to reach out to others not in a religious way. Listening to these women was refreshing, encouraging and convicting. I could have walked away with a spiritual high only to walk down from the mountain top to realize that I am in the valley. I ask myself, "am I a women of faith?" I am a follower of Christ. I believe in Him, but do I have faith in Him? Do I walk in peace? Well the answer is lately no. I say lately because there was a time, pre marriage, pre babies that I drenched myself in his Word. I sometimes spent hours in prayer. This time in my life was a very difficult time. Because of certain circumstances I was struggling with a very deep depression. But in the depression, in this time of bathing myself in Jesus and the word, I had peace, comfort, sound mind and actually praised Him for my depression. I actually began to see it as a gift. The thorn in my flesh that would keep me humble. I was looking to Jesus in faith and He was faithful. Years passed and I was able to go off medication, met my husband, got married, gave birth to two amazing little girls and had no postpartum depression! Truly miracle after miracle were happening in my life. The problem now is that my life is simple yet I struggle with my attitude and my words. Having two toddlers has pushed buttons I did not know existed and I find myself in a new kind of normal. I am learning to lean on Jesus in my new kind of normal where things are simple yet I remain complex. I forgot to mention I am in my early 40's, welcoming perimenopause. Glory! and a big Yuck! They only thing that can be my peace feels out of reach. I don't have hours to spend in quiet with Jesus. I work from home as well and spend down time with my husband. Were does Jesus fit in? We pray together as a family. I teach the girls about Jesus, but I don't have peace. Today things are different. I feel like I am back on the road to being a woman of faith. I started a Community Bible Study today. The girls go to their own class and I go to mine. So for two hours I talk and learn about Jesus. I am in the word. Today we came home, I put little miss So So down for a nap and then T2 and I went over what she learned in class. She then sat at her desk, colored the lesson, talked to herself about what she learned and tried to copy the letters forming them into words. She wrote out Psalm 119. She read it back to me. She new what the letters and numbers were and she new what Chapter in the Bible. During her time of study, about twenty minutes; I was able to do my homework for the day. We had peace in our house, peace between myself and Tabitha and we are both becoming women (girls) of faith. Bless you Jesus for never giving up on us and for showing us what we need to gain your peace that surpasses all understanding. I know that I am an "ugly" person without the knowledge of my saviour. We don't need to study for salvation but we do need to study to change. I pray for change within my heart and soul that only He can provide!

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