Me. Today. Ministry & perfectionism

Don't mix well.

I was 25 and just rededicated my life to the Lord. I wanted to become a missionary. I realized that my passion was Jesus. I realized I loved studying and learning more about the Bible. It was decided but where would I go and was I ready? It was then that I began to pray about my mission field. I was learning more about prayer and how to express my life journey. A friend of mine introduced me to Becky Tirabassi and I was hooked. Her passion was prayer, character and leading those to the Lord through example. I "studied" Becky's life and her ministry. I remember asking her," how do I know where I should go regarding the mission field?" She said something to the effect of, " You're in your mission field. Start praying, sharing your story one on one to the lost and the Lord will guide you." I think I said, " I'm not ready. I need to go to school to learn more about how to be a good missionary. I still have a dirty mind and dirty mouth. I slip when I don't want to. I want to be a good Christian but I still have a lot of sin in my life."

She said, " Just tell your story, the Lord will meet you in your journey. Just start."

I was well aware that my sin was forgiven, that I was washed as white as snow etc...BUT I knew my thoughts were not well and sometimes my actions followed. But I went.

I started to pray about opportunity to share the gospel. The last thing I wanted to be was the used car salesperson version of a missionary. I wanted my life to speak, but remember, I was not perfect. How could such a flawed person share Jesus and be an example of Him?

Ministry and perfectionism don't mix.....

Then it hit me.

Grace.

I was a work in progress and I knew it. I was asking the Holy Spirit to help me to not fall into will full sin. He was faithful. As I walked in the calling of a missionary, the Lord walked right beside me, coaching me.

I've seen way too many brothers and sisters in "the ministry" try to be the perfect example of Christ. They fall. Fail. And we are disappointed.

But why did we ever think they were perfect; free of failing? Did those that have fallen ever think they were perfect or ever could be?

Any good we have in us is Christ Jesus. We submit to Him with our broken bodies, hearts and minds and He enters into our brokenness. When we do well, we are listening to Him and obeying.

When we fall, it should be no surprise to us or the world because we will fall and fail.

Period.

Yes, it is beyond frustrating; the idea that we will never perfect our walk with God, our ministry.

It's not a job where we are trying to reach the CEO position....that title has already been filled. We don't have to prove ourselves to move up. We simply have to fall at His feet to Win.

Can we all agree that perfectionism is exhausting? We are reaching for something that we will never attain. This girl should know. I care way too much about what people think. I feel as if I open my mouth I am sure to miss represent Christ. But the Lord has been whispering in my ear this message.

" Sweet Donna, if you are speaking truth in love with pure intention, then you will not fail. You will make mistakes and that's where Grace comes in. I , the Lord knew your sin before you did. I know the mistakes you will make and I will use even them to tell my story through you."

Do you wonder where I ended up working as a missionary? My own back yard. The USA. This was confirmed through a Wycliffe Missionary who said, "Donna you are already in your mission field."


I'm willing Lord, send me.