Me Today. What I learned in Michigan

I had the beautiful opportunity to visit the state of Michigan last week. When I arrived I was greeted by the ladies from the Legacy Conference and stayed the night with Corrine who has walked the journey of single motherhood for almost ten years. I am new to the single motherhood life so it was an encouragement I had not expected to get from the trip. I could have left the next day and my heart would have been lifted with hope to endure this new journey which sometimes frightens me.

My heart has been overwhelmed since I arrived home. I hug my babies closer, I appreciate the sunshine as the gals there only seem to get five months of great weather. All though I think God smiled down on Michigan upon my arrival because there was sun, snow and a sunset over Lake Michigan that made me think for a moment that Heaven will look a bit like "this". I left a bit of my heart in Michigan but know California is home. It is a awkward, sometimes dark and grimy place with smog and bitterness in the air but, I know it. It is familiar, it is noisy enough for me to run away and hide in my pain but the smell of the ocean and beaches that many envy are a quick hideaway if needed.

What I learned: The DePoy family have hearts of Gold and a love big enough for strangers that challenges the spirit to want to grow. I had a heart to heart with Pastor Jerry DePoy Sr. and it was what this girl needed. He challenged why I am going to school for Psychology. I had the answers and we both walked away from the conversation stretched out of our comfort zone. Which I love. I don't appreciate people in my life who let me stay stuck. My sweet friends of twenty years lovingly challenge me. He did too. What a man of wisdom, grace and love for friends close and strangers he calls family. Mrs, DePoy was a complete jewel who made me feel comfortable from the start.

Women whom I met, all of them, loved on me and accepted me with the grace of Jesus.

Michigan made me face my emotional fears. I told the story of how I met Jennifer from the Legacy Conference I think ten to twenty times which made me face the tangible, heart felt fact that I met this loving family and ministry because Jay DePoy Jr. told me that my friend had committed suicide. Gina always loved a happy ending. I  know she is smiling in Heaven.

I learned that spiritual sisters in Christ are connected. I knew that but I felt as though I had met these ladies of Legacy already. It's as if we were long lost friends that reconnected.

What a see and goals I have coming home from Michigan:

*To love on my girls, nurture them through the trauma they continue to experience because of the abuse I went through during my marriage. Yes, that is real and it's my story. Their Dad is a person loved by God with real pain and I married him. loving him but the pain goes deep for all of us and there is a road of healing we are all on even if it is separately and always will be.

*I am going to finish my book and realize that it is a book on awareness to the Church as well as those who do not find their faith in Jesus Christ.

* I have ideas for two more books so it's official. I'm a writer soon to be author.

*Finish school before I dive into ministry. I will continue down the road of healing but with hope in my heart.  Lord willing, I will work with women who have experienced trauma possibly in the area of sex trafficking  in the United States because it is a form of occult abuse and I understand that deep pain. Spiritual Counseling is a desire having the knowledge of how the mind works as we heal, mind , body and spirit.

* Help my best friend Heather to grow Blessednest.com it is a journey we have been on for over 10 years and we see that we are about to reach higher ground. It's exciting!

Yes. I am a blessed, busy, yet balanced girl, with freedom.

Oh, and I am not thinking about the fact that I am 47. I feel better then I ever have. So be it. Growing old is great.

Thank you for walking on this road of redemption with me. The road that leads home.

Me. Today. Hopeful.

Shaken. Joyful. Tearful. Hopeful. My life is going to turn around. I just know it. I lean on His promises and hope in His grace that is sufficient. Yes, His power is made perfect in my weakness.

" Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." Psalm 55:22

Lord, when will the train take a turn so I can jump on and join in on the journey? Hope that is. In you. xo
This beautiful girl always reminded me of the hope found in Jesus.

She knew of that hope and lived in it daily. It was her life mission for others to know His hope. She was a hope giver.


I miss you sweet Gina.
Gina, my dear friend, went to live with the Lord September 2010 You will be forever missed.

Psalm 20 The Lords answer

I asked the Lord to show me His "face" tonight. I needed to know He is near even when He feels far away. I'm comforted. I pray you are too. xo

¹ May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
² May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
³ May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.
⁴ May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.
⁵ May we shout for joy over your victory
and lift up our banners in the name of our God.

May the LORD grant all your requests.

⁶ Now this I know:
The LORD gives victory to his anointed.
He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary
with the victorious power of his right hand.
⁷ Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
⁸ They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.
⁹ LORD, give victory to the king!
Answer us when we call!

All alone?

God is gently pulling me to Him. Asking me to allow Him to be my hope. To feel the hope that is in Yahweh

Below taken from Daily Focus:

"Oh, precious one, do you know how much you are loved by the Lord of the universe? He sees you right now where you are and is waiting for you to look at Him. He holds out His hands in love and says, "Stop crying, my child. I am here for you." He has bottled up your tears (Psalm 56:8) and desires to breathe strength into your heart. He wants you to crawl on His lap and wait for wisdom, as He holds you in His arms of love (Isaiah 40:11)."

Christ is no stranger to loneliness. Many times in the Scriptures He left His disciples to go pray in a place described as lonely or a desert (Luke 4:42). He knows what you are feeling today and wants to take your loneliness away. Don't allow loneliness to overwhelm you. Instead, let it push you into the arms of your loving Father. He is waiting to bless you and fill you with the drive to homeschool again.

Jesus, here I am — empty and nothing without You. Reveal Your mighty presence to me Lord, so I may walk in the strength of Your love. Drive the loneliness I feel away and let me rejoice in Your goodness. In Your name I pray, Amen.

He has prepared a place

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How are you doing? I really mean it! I'd like to know. We all have trials and joys in our life. I am in the midst of a trial but also experiencing a lot of joy as well. We finally made a decision about our house. We are placing it on the market. All though it is not a great time to sell...we don't really see any other option. California is a pretty tough place to live on a one income family and own a home in the OC. I am amazed that we have done it thus far. I have mixed emotions about selling our house. My T learned how to swim in the pool here. We planted our first garden. I could go on and on. When we bought this house; it was really hard for the owner to sell it. They were forced to move because of her husbands work and when she left; her and the children wrote little notes to us in chalk all around. My favorite was...on the step of the front door. They wrote in chalk "love lived here." It made me teary. I knew we too would make wonderful memories here. When we leave; we will write "love lived here" and someone else will experience the blessing of this home. God's home. I pray that He brings someone who will continue to spread joy and love in and around this amazing neighborhood and house....pray that we transition well. I told T today that in a couple of months we might have a new house. She said " great. I just know it will be pretty." Kids are so flexible and tend to follow the Lord's lead without question...I too will follow Lord wherever you choose to lead us....

I do know that God has prepared this for us!
The Things Which God Has Prepared For Us!!

1 Corinthians 2:9 But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear
heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which
God hath prepared for them that love him.

Jeremiah 29:11 "11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,
saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an
expected end."

Psalms 84:11 "For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will
give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that
walk uprightly."

Focusing on the good things that God has prepared for us is never a
bad thing. In fact, it may help us overcome our present trial. This
is a promise from God. This trial will not last forever and if we
love God, He has some good things prepared for us, and this present
situation will not be one of them. The things which God has prepare
for us will be good things. Prov. 10:22 "The blessing of the LORD,
it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it."

Oftentimes God does not tell us why we are going through bad times.
Knowing why is not as important as trusting the Sovereign One who is
in control of the situation. All Job knew was that He could trust God.
Trusting God is not easy to do when we are going through bad times,
but it is essential to maintaining a growing and vibrant walk with
the Lord. If we can't trust God during the bad times in life, then who
can we trust?

Through hardship and suffering we learn to rely on God and trust Him
to deliver us. Sometimes it is only when we are brought very low that
we seek God. But we should seek Him in good and bad times.

Any test can become a stumbling block if we let it. Satan desperately
wants us to fail. Satan wants us to curse God and die. We need to
fill our minds with God's Spirit so we don't fall victim to the
doubts Satan tries to instil in our minds. When we let our guards
down we are easy prey. God is there to help us at all times so,
instead of thinking we might fail, we should be optimistic and expect
the best.

The enemy will attack you, flooding you with lies and discouraging
words, telling you God will not heal and restore, but if you will
just simply wait on the Lord, trusting Him even when you see no
evidence.

God has a wonderful plan for every single child who loves Him and
will trust and believe Him for the impossible. Faith is believing
without any evidence. Faith is trusting and waiting in the dark.

Isaiah 40:28-31 "Hast thou not known? Hast thou not heard, that the
everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth,
fainteth not, neither is weary? There is no searching of his
understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no
might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be
weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: but they that wait on
the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings
as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and
not faint."

Remember God's promise for you. A day will come when all suffering,
pain, heartache, frustration and sorrows will be over. The Lord has
good things in store for us. Those of us who love God will have more
than we can ever imagine. Now that is something to dwell on.

Trust God and believe on His Word, He is not a liar.

1 Corinthians 2:9 But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear
heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which
God hath prepared for them that love him.