The Legacy Of Elizabeth

Me.Today. Valentine

2012-02-14T07:02:00.000-08:00

I can't let today go by without a mention. I mention of the spiritual love we receive from family and friends in the body of Christ. This past year, a pouring out of support has been shown to me as I stagger down the path of healing after facing sudden death of a friend, divorce and my daughter's brain surgery.

Now, I find myself thankful daily for this family.... when tradgedy happens like it did September 21, 2010 when my friend died, there were friends brought together who will never part. We are a circle of friends, the body of Christ, reaching out to make sure we are all taken care of. Funny, I've never met the family above...is that funny? Or is it real love, the love that Christ has for us. The love that is in the unseen.
Jamie, the momma is writing her notes on their families own personal tragedy and her daily joy, miss Ashlyn Hope.

Pray. Love. It's simple.

Jay and Jamie's own personal story will give you hope. Follow them at Exodus Church

Me.Today. Doing Nothing

2012-02-13T05:54:00.000-08:00

Well, that's what it feels like.

No dance classes, no 4H, no Karate, no soccer......

We've had to cut things a bit around here and I have to admit I felt a bit of Mommy guilt at first; are they missing out? Everyone else is running their kids from here to there.

But what are we doing?

We're laughing together more. Sitting at the table to eat dinner more ofter. The cutting out of things leaves space in our day for hard conversation. My girls have the emotional space to process any negative emotions they may have and I'm there to listen and help them walk through.

Would we have that time if it was filled with any of the above? NO.

It's a season. But I no longer have mommy guilt when I see what we are doing.

XO

Me. Today. It's been a long time

2012-02-11T11:35:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I've looked at the 12 Steps to serenity.

photo credit:: creative commons: Billy Brown

Me. Today. wanting to learn how to have a healthy relationship.

You see, I was involved in a 12 Step program years ago but not as an addict. It was to gain perspective as to why I do what I do and how do I find peace in this process of healing? I had issues, that was a given but I couldn't place my addiction. My addiction is a tough one because it is relationship.

I'm co-dependent.

We as Christ followers are called to have compassion, to carry each others burdens so I guess this all became confusing to me. How can a Christian be co-dependent? Most of us are so selfish. Why can't we just give our all to someone no matter the cost? Jesus did, right? One pastor I spoke with said , " Yeah, if only more Christians were co-dependent the church would reach more people."

I realize what an un- healthy and crazy statement that was.

We are called to compassion not co-dependency. We are not to try to play the part of Jesus or to even think by our thoughts and actions that we are the ones who can possibly heal someone or take all their burdens away.

My spiritual gifting does include empathy and compassion.

I just need to remember when to set my pride aside and to let Jesus do His thing. It's hard for me....I feel peoples pain so deeply and that calls me to action.But what does that look like in my life? Prayer? Yes. But is that it?I don't know. I will be attending a co-dependence anonymous group....details to come but I've began my journey and excited about it.

My second look at the 12 steps as someone who is co-dependent and looking for Jesus to heal.

Disclaimer: This is my second look so I promise I won't become to "crazy or loud" about my experience..this is the WWW you can choose not to read.

The 12 Steps

Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable
Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God
Step 4 - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
Step 7 - Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings
Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it
Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out
Step 12 - Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs

2012-02-10T06:42:00.000-08:00

So sorry if you're in a season of heart ache and feeling the pain. This too shall pass even though it feels like it's staying forever. Peace friends.

Me. Today. Blessed Are those...

2012-01-31T06:36:00.000-08:00

Who hunger and thirst.

When I'm aching in pain and want to reach towards addictive behavior, there is a cry in my soul, " an itch, a crawling and scratching at that surface to find a way out."

Pastor, Jay is on to something. Go find out. A must read! At Grace Like Rain

Me. Today. Vintage Fashion

2012-01-27T04:23:00.000-08:00

In my 20's and 30's I was known to wear vintage suits. I LOVE THEM!

Two babies later, age 45 and a size large; I have a hard time finding them. This is a huge problem in my life...hehe
I do see Vintage Fashion in Thrift Stores such as the Goodwill but the sizes for Vintage Fashion tend to be small. Even a Large is tini. But for you ladies that run on the smaller side you will have good luck on Etsy. There are a few stores who carry Vintage Suits.

For me...I'm keeping my eyes open for the designers who had the voluptuous women in mind during the 20's, 30's, 40's error..I just might have to dive into the 50's....it's when women were appreciated for their fuller figures.
( I think)

PS. We're not ALWAYS serious around here. It's the lighter side of life that keeps us sane. Enjoy.

Me. Today. More healing

2012-01-27T04:04:00.000-08:00

"The Lord is healing me quickly in spite of my brokenness at the speed of lightening....as I sit in tears, feeling sad, lonely yet hopeful."

I've shared this with a few friends this week. It seems others are in this spot too. I'm glad I've gotten the help I need to begin, dive into, start the process of healing. I realize that so many ladies do not know where to get help.

Visit my help page if you feel stuck and or ready to get the help you need.
The book I'm currently reading... Rebuilding the Real You by Jack Hayford

Me. Today. Dancing in the Dark

2012-01-26T06:34:00.001-08:00

Me. Today. Laughing....

2012-01-22T17:42:00.000-08:00

Through tears.
I've been through a lot. I'm currently going through one heck of a time but I laugh if even through my tears at times.

I see the bight, yellow sun and I soak it in.

I see the waves and I am reminded of how He is our soft breeze in the midst of the storm.

I meet women everyday it seems that are just like you and me. We look different, act different; but we all have stories.I'm having coffee tomorrow am with a new friend. We will be sharing our testimonies, stories. Really , just sharing life. I try to not worry about the future. It is just SO unknown. I was reminded today to ask the Lord in every situation(not just the big ones) what will you have me do? Lord, help us to remember to ask for your will and wisdom and to not just run into every situation that smells and looks pretty. Sometimes the pretty things are deceiving?!
OR
Maybe He is giving you pretty, but He just wants you to remember to include Him in the gift and the surprise.

Me. Today. Simply Cool music

2012-01-17T00:52:00.000-08:00

Worship Together.com

Well, isn't this simply cool ?

Me.Today. Pretty Cool....

2012-01-15T21:37:00.000-08:00

Did you know that, each year, the President declares January 16th to be "Religious Freedom Day", and calls upon Americans to "observe this day through appropriate events and activities in homes, schools, and places of worship". This day is the anniversary of the passage, in 1786, of the Virginia Statue of Religious Freedom.

2012-01-13T05:34:00.001-08:00

Me.Today. Get free

2012-01-12T06:50:00.001-08:00

Seeing the beauty in you and me.

Me. Today. Gardening

2012-01-11T05:22:00.000-08:00

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. (anonymous)

I pulled some weeds in the garden of my heart this week. It's been a much neglected garden. I had let a bit of bitterness set in.

Sometimes I hold on to sin like a lover.

An abusive lover.

Then, when I allow, in His love, Jesus comes in and rescues.

Only Jesus, through His spirit, can dig down deep into the miry pit of my heart and make those dark places clean.

He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. Psalm 40:2

Nothing can separate us from the Love of God. Rest in that love.

Me. Today. Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead

2012-01-08T03:18:00.000-08:00

Watch Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead. It I'll wreck you for the good. This girl loves food so I will be working on a Vegan/Vegetarian lifestyle that tastes interesting . I didn't just wake up and decide to take this road. I decided when I became sick over 7 years ago with digestive issues that a change needed to be made. I have been eating GF and GMO free and Organic for over five years but for me it's time to take the next step.

For those who struggle with depression, cutting out all processed food and refined sugars and flours will give you a lift. It may take 2 weeks to notice. Eat real food.

Over 7 years ago, I visited a nutritionist who was realistic about me making a complete lifestyle change. She knew it was going to be a challenge, it was; I took baby steps, but so glad I took the challenge 7 years ago.

Now for the next challenge....

Just in case you wondered. Yum.

Top Delicious Green Juice Recipes:

Perfect Morning Essential: 4-6 Carrots, 4 stalks of Celery, 1 Lemon , 1 Macintosh or Yellow Apple
Hot Afternoon Boost: Up 4-6 Carrots, 4-6 stalks Celery, 1/2 bunch Cilantro, 2 Roma Tomatoes, 1 Lemon
Power After-Workout Drink: 1/2 Romaine lettuce, 3-4 leaves of Kale, 3-4 Carrots, 1/2 bunch Carrot top, 1 Apple, 1 Lime
Serious Detox: 1/2 sour green Apple, 1 Lime, 1 large Beet, 3-4 leaves Beet tops, 3-4 Carrots, 3-4 Celery stalks, small piece of Ginger
Excellent Craving Response: 3-4 large leaves of Kale, 1 whole stalk of Leek, 1 Lime, 1 large Tomato, 1/2 bunch Cilantro, 3-4 Carrots, small piece of Ginger
Delightful Green Snack: 1/2 of red Cabbage, 3-4 stalks of Celery, 4-5 leaves of Kale, 1 Lemon, 1 Lime, 1 Apple, small piece of fresh Ginger
Sweet Filling Delight: 3 cups fresh baby Spinach, 1 Lime, 1 large Tomato, 2-3 Carrots and 1/2 Carrot top bunch, 1/2 bunch Parsley, 1 stalk Celery
Quick Cleansing Drink: 2-3 Carrots, 4 Cucumbers, small piece of fresh Ginger, 1 Lemon, 1 whole Beet
Variety Vitamin Drink: 1 Lemon, 2 cups of Alfa Alfa Sprouts, small piece of fresh Ginger, 2 Carrots, 3 Cucumbers, 1/2 bunch Parsley
Exquisite Green Goodness: 3-4 leaves of Kale, 5 large Romaine Lettuce leaves, 1 Beet, 1/2 bunch of Cilantro, 1 Lime, 2 cups fresh Spinach, 1/2 Apple

I can't remember where I got the recipes above so if you "own" them please let me know so I can give you the credit! Also, visit Raw Food Nation for more ideas

Me. Today. it's all good

2012-01-05T21:44:00.000-08:00

Just when you think you've had enough. When God has given you more then you can handle and your arms are thrown up in the air, you're yelling... STOP,

A little girl speaks. She whispers.

My sweet little girls whispers. " Mommy there is nothing better in the world then learning about Jesus."

I throw my hands up in the air and say, "It's all good."

I worry about my girls and what life will throw them. What heart ache they will experience. But if they have a passion to learn more about Jesus.

I know it's all good.

This is my baby who had brain surgery in September. She recovered 100%. It's all good!

Me. Today. Army of 3

2011-12-30T10:45:00.000-08:00

As Christ followers I think sometimes we are afraid of the dark within.

Ironic.

Jesus died for the dark in us. It's obviously there.

Music helps me to get in touch with the dark within. It's a fine line though....I don't want to listen to music that keeps me in the dark , nurtures the dark or makes me feel like dark is a friend who I can keep around and allow it to ask bitterness to come out and play.

NO, I can't go there.

But I sing ( in the shower, car) loudly. Hearing my voice is good. Hearing myself express pain seems to take the pain from within and launches it out to the universe.

Ingid is a safe voice , place for me to express humor, music and my voice without feeling like I'm huging the dark.

When I choose music carefully, it heals me.

To pretend that the dark is not there and to give you the impression that I sit around worshiping all day with joy in my heart would make me a Pharisee.

I'm a person who struggles.

Loves deeply , feels deeply.

Find your voice within. If you're a survivor of any sort of trauma , you may feel like your voice was made silent. The dark had to stay tucked away in order for the abuse to stop, the pain to stop or you held on to the lie that if you stayed silent , the pain would go away.

I did not have a voice as a child. I found it at age 25. Then I gave up my voice at age 36 and I am now finding it again.

Speak the truth in love. It's OK.

Army of three:

Follow @DonnaBishop5

Me. Today. Hymns

2011-12-27T05:19:00.000-08:00

Love Hymns.

Writing them out is healing.

From my Grandmas Hymnal :

Just As I am, Without One Plea

1.Just as I am, without one plea,
but that they blood was shed for me
and that thou bidst me come to thee,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come

2. Just as I am, and waiting not
To rid my soul of one dark blot
to thee whose blood can cleanse each spot,
Oh Lamb of God, I come, I come

3. Just as I am, though tossed about
with many a conflict, many a doubt,
fightings and fears within , without,
Oh Lamb of God, I come, I come

4. Just as I am, poor wretched , blind;
sight, riches, healing of the mind
yea, all I need in thee to find,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come

5. Just as I am, though wilt receive
wilt welcome, pardon,cleanse, relieve;
because they promise I believe
O Lamb of God, I come, I come

6. Just as I am, thy Love unknown,
hath broken every barrier down,
now, to be thine, yea,thine alone,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come

Amen- peace come- peace be still- I find peace in rest, in the arms of Jesus

Me. Today. Forgivness

2011-12-25T00:08:00.000-08:00

The girls Daddy came over on Christmas day, only for one hour. I still feel the ache of the loneliness I felt during our 9 years of marriage.

Yet, I do rejoice over the freedom I now have.

Never did I even think about divorce until the door of hate was slammed in my face. Even then, I asked for, begged for a way in which we could keep our marriage in tacked. There was no way. It was time to be safe, healthy and an example to my two girls that it's not OK to be abused. It's not ok to be ignored and it's not OK for someone to go outside the marriage to find "joy" in someone else.

It's just not.
Period.
Jesus sometimes has us be bold, to act bold.
This was my time.

It's just when I get frustrated at the process of forgiveness, that the Lord enters that heavy, dark place of bitterness in my heart.

I experience what it is to forgive.

Not faking it, feeling it. Free of that bitter root. It's been plucked. Ouch it still stings, the operation of it all.

Thank you Jesus for walking with me in the pain and pulling my heart towards forgiveness.

"An unforgiving heart hurts...we can give the ache to Him in forgiveness and then have the freedom our hearts so desire."

Me. Today. Birth- Baby-Bling

2011-12-25T00:03:00.001-08:00

"Never, never, never give up." -- Sir Winston Churchill

Happy Hanukkah ~Merry Christmas~ He Loves You

Me. Today. The Lord keeping Vigil

2011-12-23T04:27:00.000-08:00

^{The Lord gave me this verse as I tossed and turned then, I finally got up out of bed to look up the verse running through my head..Exodus 12...

I'm entering into the season where I leave the desert. This is the Lords promise.

Also, at the end of the book of Job. Ready to receive my inheritance of a legacy that praises Jesus!

Exodus
31} During the night Pharaoh summoned Moses and Aaron and said, “Up! Leave my people, you and the Israelites! Go, worship the LORD as you have requested. ³² Take your flocks and herds, as you have said, and go. And also bless me.”

³³ The Egyptians urged the people to hurry and leave the country. “For otherwise,” they said, “we will all die!” ³⁴ So the people took their dough before the yeast was added, and carried it on their shoulders in kneading troughs wrapped in clothing. ³⁵ The Israelites did as Moses instructed and asked the Egyptians for articles of silver and gold and for clothing. ³⁶ The LORD had made the Egyptians favorably disposed toward the people, and they gave them what they asked for; so they plundered the Egyptians.

³⁷ The Israelites journeyed from Rameses to Sukkoth. There were about six hundred thousand men on foot, besides women and children. ³⁸ Many other people went up with them, and also large droves of livestock, both flocks and herds. ³⁹ With the dough the Israelites had brought from Egypt, they baked loaves of unleavened bread. The dough was without yeast because they had been driven out of Egypt and did not have time to prepare food for themselves.

⁴⁰ Now the length of time the Israelite people lived in Egypt^[b] was 430 years. ⁴¹ At the end of the 430 years, to the very day, all the LORD’s divisions left Egypt. ⁴² Because the LORD kept vigil that night to bring them out of Egypt, on this night all the Israelites are to keep vigil to honor the LORD for the generations to come.

Me. Today. New Beginnings

2011-12-22T21:25:00.000-08:00

As the holiday of Christmas comes near, I can't help but think of new beginnings.

New beginnings.

That's it.

That's the meaning of Christmas in my heart.

A baby was born. A new beginning.

My heart breaks forth with a cracking of the shell that once surroneded my heart.

Crack. Heart surgery..and a new beginning.

{peace}

Me. Today. Lovely Umbrellas

2011-12-18T09:31:00.000-08:00

Me. Today. Ministry & perfectionism

2011-12-17T12:30:00.000-08:00

Don't mix well.

I was 25 and just rededicated my life to the Lord. I wanted to become a missionary. I realized that my passion was Jesus. I realized I loved studying and learning more about the Bible. It was decided but where would I go and was I ready? It was then that I began to pray about my mission field. I was learning more about prayer and how to express my life journey. A friend of mine introduced me to Becky Tirabassi and I was hooked. Her passion was prayer, character and leading those to the Lord through example. I "studied" Becky's life and her ministry. I remember asking her," how do I know where I should go regarding the mission field?" She said something to the effect of, " You're in your mission field. Start praying, sharing your story one on one to the lost and the Lord will guide you." I think I said, " I'm not ready. I need to go to school to learn more about how to be a good missionary. I still have a dirty mind and dirty mouth. I slip when I don't want to. I want to be a good Christian but I still have a lot of sin in my life."

She said, " Just tell your story, the Lord will meet you in your journey. Just start."

I was well aware that my sin was forgiven, that I was washed as white as snow etc...BUT I knew my thoughts were not well and sometimes my actions followed. But I went.

I started to pray about opportunity to share the gospel. The last thing I wanted to be was the used car salesperson version of a missionary. I wanted my life to speak, but remember, I was not perfect. How could such a flawed person share Jesus and be an example of Him?

Ministry and perfectionism don't mix.....

Then it hit me.

Grace.

I was a work in progress and I knew it. I was asking the Holy Spirit to help me to not fall into will full sin. He was faithful. As I walked in the calling of a missionary, the Lord walked right beside me, coaching me.

I've seen way too many brothers and sisters in "the ministry" try to be the perfect example of Christ. They fall. Fail. And we are disappointed.

But why did we ever think they were perfect; free of failing? Did those that have fallen ever think they were perfect or ever could be?

Any good we have in us is Christ Jesus. We submit to Him with our broken bodies, hearts and minds and He enters into our brokenness. When we do well, we are listening to Him and obeying.

When we fall, it should be no surprise to us or the world because we will fall and fail.

Period.

Yes, it is beyond frustrating; the idea that we will never perfect our walk with God, our ministry.

It's not a job where we are trying to reach the CEO position....that title has already been filled. We don't have to prove ourselves to move up. We simply have to fall at His feet to Win.

Can we all agree that perfectionism is exhausting? We are reaching for something that we will never attain. This girl should know. I care way too much about what people think. I feel as if I open my mouth I am sure to miss represent Christ. But the Lord has been whispering in my ear this message.

" Sweet Donna, if you are speaking truth in love with pure intention, then you will not fail. You will make mistakes and that's where Grace comes in. I , the Lord knew your sin before you did. I know the mistakes you will make and I will use even them to tell my story through you."

Do you wonder where I ended up working as a missionary? My own back yard. The USA. This was confirmed through a Wycliffe Missionary who said, "Donna you are already in your mission field."

I'm willing Lord, send me.

Me. Today. Discovering through suffering

2011-12-10T21:26:00.000-08:00

Our nature is to be doubtful people.

I am in a season where I am in the valley. I know in my heart of hearts that Jesus is alive. He knows my pain, my heartache and my brokenness. But I'm suffering.

This past two years I've had to endure and process more then I thought my mind and emotions were capable of.

In the beginning.....

Abuse entered my life at a young age but so did Jesus. For those of us who are survivors of horrific sexual abuse and mind control and who have allowed Jesus into our lives are blessed.

Yes, I said blessed.

I have a deep relationship with Jesus that goes beyond the whys. From age 5-22 I asked why? Why do I have so much pain? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why? Then I realized that I will never know exactly why God does what He does or allows what He allows but I do know if we allow Him to help us discover Him more through sharing in His suffering, we will walk next to Him closely. We won't always "feel" His presence but it's as if we are walking with a lover, a friend on the beach when neither wants to talk. Or maybe one wants to talk but the other is simply listening. Jesus is next to me. I know it. I don't reach up to Him because He is next to me and you.

I'm learning to go deeper with Jesus. I'm experiencing revelation in my walk with Him.

My Christmas......reflecting on Mary and her story of suffering.

I get that Mary, mother of Jesus struggled.

She wept tears of fear and doubt.

She was made out to be a harlot from those that did not get why a virgin was pregnant.

She had to trust that her fiancée would not leave her when the news was delivered of her pregnancy.

It was time to give birth and she had to leave and move far away.

She was aching with birth pain yet there was no where to lay her head.

She wept. She trusted.

She wondered why God chose her and I think she even wondered why He chose this way to enter the world.

She wept.

I wonder if God chose her because He knew she would be obedient. I don't think the Lord chose her because she was a better follower of God then most. None of us is perfect, not one.

But God knew that Mary, in her frustration, questions and yes, doubt would remain faithful to what He asked her to do. She walked on. Looked ahead not behind..

And she wept and was obedient until her Sons death on the cross. Mary lived a tortured life knowing exactly what her Son was going to go through. I'm sure she was depressed at times. I'm sure she had a full does of the Holy Spirits Joy and peace but remember, she was like me and you. She felt deeply.

And she wept.

Lord, in all the complaining I do about my pain, my story and my crying out to you, why me;
I Love you. I cherish our relationship and I do count it all joy to suffer for the cross.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not in a yippy skippy state about my suffering. Suffering sucks, plain and simple. But experiencing the Joy that ONLY comes from Him goes as deep as the depths of our suffering.

This manic girl with many sides and depths will take those kinds of highs.

If you've been sexually assaulted there's help....

Me. Today. A future, a hope

2011-11-27T08:31:00.000-08:00

Jeremiah 29: 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I asked the Lord for specific scripture about my life today. I received this verse flooding into my mind. This girl knows it was the Holy Spirit because all though I read the Bible all the time, I can not quote scripture for the life of me.

I'll take it.

You can have it too.

Me. Today. The cousins

2011-11-24T22:42:00.000-08:00

Lord, we just know you have a plan for our lives. Can you give us a hint as to what it is.....
Happy Thanksgiving from the cousins.

My day was heavenly. So thankful for my family.

Me. Today. Government Invasion

2011-11-23T22:47:00.001-08:00

I usually don't get political.

Then I received this video below in my in box tonight. It's the night before Thanksgiving Day and I was just thinking about my friend Gina who passed away last year. We both home schooled our children and all though I received e-mails updating me on laws regarding parental rights, I didn't really dive into educating myself on the subject. Gina dove in and took this issue very seriously. She was a para legal and understood the system much more then I ever could.

I see vision, Gina saw details. We were a good team!

I tend to get on my knees and pray for our country and don't ask for details unless necessary. There did become a time when she asked me to not only pray for specifics but to educated myself on the depth of this problem.

In the boldness that I learned from sweet Gina with her southern drawl, I urge you to educate yourself in the area of parental rights. Read about it, watch the video below.

Digest it.

For years I have been called to pray for all aspects of our government. A group of friends got together once a week about 15 years ago and we prayed 3 hours a week, for about 3 years. We prayed for our countries intelligence system,(the CIA) as we knew the corruption and corrosion of our country starts with our security. We knew that any change in congress, Presidency etc would not make a difference if our over all security was not in place. At the time that's about all the vision the Lord gave us...and we prayed.

A lofty prayer.

A heavy, weighty prayer.

A prayer that felt so out of control.

An exciting prayer because it was totally out of our control and in the hands of the one who created our world, our country and the God who could control even the CIA operating for our "security" in the USA. Jesus Christ the one and only living God.

He hears our prayers.

Our prayer group was a bunch of miss fits.
A stay at home, home school mom, and an ex miss fit..(long story) ME
A surfer/ pro body-boarder turned home school mom.
An ex pot smoker and amazing photographer.
And a Brazilian citizen who was in the USA for school to become an Engineer.

I miss those days....I still pray. This video below is true. It's about how our government is in the midst of making a decision that could take our parental rights away. Think Carl Marx...it's not good. It's real. Take the time to listen. It's 35 minutes.
Then pass it on. It's not a home school issue. Heck, my kids are in public school this year. It's not a political issue. It's a parental rights issue.

PS If I come up missing, the CIA probably kidnapped me...haha I have to say I love a good conspiracy chat. This one however is right on the spot. No sci fi.

It's reality folks.

Video via ParentalRights.org

Thankful that we are free to share this via the web today. Thankful Lord that YOU are totally in control. Thankful for Gina, my prayer partners and of course my relationship with you Lord.

I'm at peace because I've found Jesus.

Do you have any stories of how the Lord has answered prayers from seasons past? I would love to hear them! I know many small groups over the years have prayed these exact same prayers.

Prayer does bring the walls down!

Me. Today. Win Some Learn Some

2011-11-19T09:41:00.000-08:00

Reflecting on the words of Jason Mraz.

Reflecting on this wisdom. "win some, learn some"

I need to be in the pain of grieving all that this past year has brought to the table then I need to look at it and see what I've lost, what I've won and what I've learned.

My heart has been broken, shattered.

I guess it's my time to win some or learn some....

Lord what have I learned this past year?

Off to read A Shepherd Looks At Psalm 23....

Happy Thanksgiving.

I'm thankful for you Lord in my life and much more...

Me.Today. What a tangled web

2011-11-09T22:13:00.001-08:00

"What a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive"

Always thought this was an interesting saying. I'm teaching my daughters that deceiving is a waste of time and effort. As Christ followers it will make the good fruit we have in our lives, rot.

Have you ever felt good about someone else's failures? I want to say NO. I want to say that this is the most hateful thing someone could do, feel good about someone else's pain. Yuck.

But if I'm honest....ugh, yes but if I'm honest.

I have.

I live in a dark place sometimes. I've battled with depression my whole life but came out of denial in my 20's which gave the Lord the space He needed in my heart and brain to heal.

I've come to a great place of healing. And I'm in a season of grieving too.

Just when I thought my scares were healed, more showed. It's as if the Lord needed to heal the deep wounds before He could get to the wounds that were more on the surface.

I'm jealous.

Yes, I confess this ugly part of me. I love people but I find that a lot of the time my heart is dark with jealousy.

I'm angry that I have had to make friends with depression because to ignore this beast would mean that it does not go away. When I pay attention to it, it's a much kinder, gentler "animal".

I suppose I suffer from low self esteem. I know we all do in different stages of our life.

But today, I want to be in someone else's skin.

I want to wear that mask that says, "I've got it all together." "Look at me and what I've accomplished" YOU should be jealous of me....

OH SNAP! That is twisted.

But oh what a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive...ourselves and the Lord.

Who am I kidding?

I'm a sinner saved by Grace.

He, my beloved Jesus calls me Mary ( I like to think so anyway.) The one who has sinned greatly, suffers deeply and rejoices surely in who she knows is the only one who can come to save.

Jesus I love you so....

I'm brought to my knees that you love on me and call me blessed.

" For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one can boast."
Ephesians 2:8-9

Lord please help me tend to the vine. I want good fruit in my life. My heart is sad, lonely, dark and frustrated. Make me clean and whole.

If there is any good in me it's because I run into the arms of my Saviour daily and He makes me more like Him.
xo

Me. Today. I'm not crazy just a little unwell

2011-11-04T21:48:00.001-07:00

Thank you Jesus that you like me, all of me.

Even when I'm crazy and a little unwell

I can relate..can you?

He can make me whole and you too.

Me. Today. Proud to be a dork

2011-11-03T21:48:00.000-07:00

Yes, the things in life that make my heart skip crack me up! My mom told me that her pastor recommended a web site so I checked it out....and I LOVE IT.

Yes, I'M A DORK and yes, I AM TOTALLY EXCITED ABOUT God Tube.com

It's the Christian version of You Tube. I like You Tube and use it for the "secular" music I love..shhh..yes, there is some really good secular music out there and I listen to it, but it's nice to have a place where I can put words in the search engine and know that only pure songs will show up. Heck, if I type in Blessed on You Tube soft porn could show up for Lords sake. I have to squint until I make sure a Christian song popped up.

At GodTube.com I can find all the worship songs I love and can't remember the names of..and see the brothers and sisters who the Lord is using to bring praise to His name through song.

Plus, my 8 year old can click around without Mommy going into a panic and she can sing to her hearts content.

Yes, I am totally hooked.

Thanks to the powers that be on GodTube.com

A song I love...Yes, you are beautiful my friend!

Me. Today. When it's all too much

2011-10-28T21:54:00.000-07:00

It's often too much. My life, the tasks I take on just being a mom. I love it. But I also fear at times that I am failing.

I know you do to. It makes me sad how as women we doubt ourselves, beat ourselves up and label ourselves with negative titles. When really if we know Jesus.....

We are simply a Child of God.

That's it.

Our worth, value, love, the idea that we belong to something, that we are loved; should not come from any external source other then Jesus. When we look to our kids, our titles, our position in society for value, we give ourselves power that we simply don't have. The power to control our lives, our outcome. Our destiny. Sure we can make wise choices, invest well and have life turn out OK. But if our identity is rooted in our success we've missed the mark.

I rest in the fact that I am a child of God period.

I've been listening to a pastors sermons on-line on the book of Job. I highly recommend listening. Reed at Christ the King Presbyterian Church has ministered to my broken heart through his raw, honest and insightful look at the book of Job.

He mentions that as Christians we are always trying to figure out how God is using our trials. (My summary not his words). I'm sure pastors love being "quoted wrongly" so I'll deter from attempting to quote...

We tend to minimize trauma. Instead, why don't we just sit in the pain? God is in control so why don't we let Him do His thing because we will never figure out what God is doing with our trials until He has worked it all out and we are on the receiving end of Grace. To try and figure out the mind of Christ and minimize our own pain does not do the King justice.

Let Him remove the mountains, water the withering vine and make beauty from ashes. We are sure to mess it up if we even attempt to be the author of our own fate.

Me. Today. A heart beat away from hope

2011-10-13T20:34:00.000-07:00

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life” Proverbs 13:12

I don't really get this. Some say that when we put our hope in anything but the Lord then our hearts grow sick in the waiting....hmm

I grow sick in the waiting of what I think the Lord has promised or revealed in a revelation of knowledge to me; then I am humbled and I see that I can't lean on what I think the Lord has revealed to me. Time will tell if what I am "seeing" is from the Lord. I don't have to worry or even doubt if what I am waiting on is truth, fiction, fantasy or revelation from the Lord.

It really doesn't matter.

I have history with the Lord. He has gently lead me to truth when I just don't get it right.

He has confirmed for me when I am on the right path and other times has taken away things I thought I wanted much like a toddler grasping onto a big lollipop. The loving parent asks nicely, "may I please have the lollipop?" The toddler screams and fusses "NO!" So the loving parent simply takes it, let's the toddler scream and then all is peaceful.

I have screamed more then on one occasion to the Lord. I've told the Lord you just don't get it; I know totally imaturre.

Then He softly tells me that He understands my confusion. He doesn't expect me to always get it but I can trust that "Father knows best."

Today as I am a heartbeat away from hope....I trust in my heavenly Father that He will guide me to a place where I can grasp onto that hope in Him because hope in anything else will make my heart sick.

His plans are perfect.

I let you lead Lord. I'm lost.

I'm a heart beat away from that hope.

Then as I meditate on Proverbs 13:12 and ask the Lord to reveal His truth, it is as if I hear the angel's singing this song:

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus' name

On Christ, the solid rock, I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand

When darkness veils His lovely face
I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil

When He shall come with trumpet sound
O may I then in Him be found
Dressed in His righteousness alone
Faultless to stand before the throne

Lord, You are always good.

Period.

Me. Today. I look in the mirror

2011-10-06T22:18:00.000-07:00

"He hath sent me to bind up the broken-hearted." Some hearts want more than words. The choicest consolations that can be conveyed in human speech will not reach their case; are deep the wounds of their hearts, they are not flesh cuts, but horrible gashes which lay bare the bone, and threaten ere long to kill unless they be skilfully closed. It is, therefore, a great joy to know that the generous friend who, in the text, promises to deal with the sorrowing, is fully competent to meet the most frightful cases. Jehovah Rophi is the name of Jesus of Nazareth; he is in his own person the Lord that healeth us. He is the beloved physician of men's souls. "By his stripes we are healed." Himself took our infirmities, and bare our sicknesses, and he is able now with a word to heal all our diseases, whatever they may be. Joy to you, ye sons of mourning; congratulation to you, ye daughters of despondency: he who comes to comfort you can not only preach with his tongue, but he can bind up with his hand. "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. He telleth the number of the stars; he calleth them all by their names."
(C. H. SPURGEON- notes from one of his sermons)

I sit in front of the mirror with tear stained cheeks.

I don't know who I am at times or what I look like.

It's true.

I know many women struggle with who they are. I don't mean identity crises. I mean insecurity complex. No matter what we've accomplished in life, most women if honest, have way too many things they don't like about themselves.

I lost myself over the years. I lost who I was in Christ. I gave up using the natural gifts the Lord gave me.

I'm OK with me but often loose sight of what is important.

I am a child of God. Period.

I look in the mirror at times and am disappointed. Fragmented.

Then I hear that sweet, soft voice that says, "you're beautiful and you're mine."

It is the voice of my Saviour.

Beauty is fleeting. Health is sacred. We never know when our bodies will fail us.

But our "soul health" is everlasting.

"To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified."—Isaiah 61:3.

Me. Today. Feeling Far Away

2011-10-01T19:43:00.000-07:00

Me. Today. Enough said

2011-10-01T09:06:00.001-07:00

This morning in my Facebook mail box, I received the following note from a "pen pal in India"

"Praise the Lord"

Enough said....

Praise the Lord Indeed

xo Donna

Me. Today. Dreaming

2011-09-28T21:04:00.000-07:00

Letting you into my random thoughts and crazy dreams. This probably should be left to my private blog..but what the hey, here it goes.

A girl can dream..and so I do.

I want to retire soon from the CIA (hahaha) no, really I do. Working undercover is tough. I'm tired. Maybe if I out myself hear, they will have to let me retire?

You think?

Then all I really want to do is buy some therapy dogs such as a Dalmatian and retriever but I do need to wait until we have our ranch with horses. Dalmatians love horses and are high maintenance so it would fit well with our family! hehe Yes, a girl can dream.

Yes, I want to retire this year and "play with my kids and animals while drinking lemonade on my front porch which looks out onto the vast country side" ahhh..I can't wait!

I've also been asked to write my story down. It may be published as a collection of stories written by a circle of Christian women. I may be speaking about my story and......

I will be writing fiction. I don't read fiction so it makes me laugh that the Lord may be calling me into writing fiction. But I've been making up stories in my head for 40 years. Now, it's time to have fun with them instead of fear how my mind works.

I can't wait to see what the Lord does next.

Call me crazy? It's OK. I know I am.

"When you're living in crazy. You're going to feel crazy"
quote from a wonderful pastor at my church....

For some reason God has handed me a lot of crazy. I'm starting to be OK with it and wonder how He will use it all..

To be continued..........

Me. Today. Joy a gift

2011-09-27T23:24:00.000-07:00

Should I have Joy? Not outside of my relationship with the Lord. My life has been hell. One thing after another. I want to start telling you my story.

I could start in the beginning when I was 5..but that might make me feel too vulnerable.

I could start in my teens but that might cause me to dive into the dark pit of shame.

I could start in my 20's...God came near but so did depression.

I could start when I got married but then you would see how troublesome our happy ever after was...

I could start one year ago September when one of my closest friends died suddenly. But then you may just pity me.

So I'll start with today or 1 week ago today.

My baby; my little girl who is growing into a spunky sassafras with wit and charm that would stun and beauty to boot was introduced to death....

That's right.

It happened this time last week. My little girl had a fall on the playground which lead to emergency brain surgery. She should not be with us. 60-80% with her type of epidural hematoma die. She made it through surgery with NO need for therapy. She is the same little girl today. No brain damage. Nothing. Nothing.

A miracle. My head is still spinning. I'm joyful beyond belief. Then my heart sinks at the thought of what she went through last Wednesday. What we all went through. Friends pulled together and prayed. I don't even know who to thank because as I was sleeping next to my little girl, behind the scenes thousands where praying.

How do I feel? I'm not sure. I think I'm numb. And thankful. And joyful.

Then I am reminded that I just came out of a difficult mariage ( If I told you the details, shame may rear it's ugly head again.) sigh I am a newly single mom.

No don't feel sorry for me. It's OK. Jesus came near. He is near.

Does my daily life ache with pain at times?

Everyday.

Do I experience Joy?

Everyday. But not all the time.

Joy is a gift from the Lord, nothing I can muster up. He reaches out and hands me Joy. I receive it with delight as my body aches with the stress and pain that comes from a broken heart and trauma.

Trauma first knocked on my door at age 5.

Trauma came visiting again last week.

I'm numb. When will the dots connect between my heart and mind? I guess when I am ready to feel the pain and receive the healing.

My homework. Sit with the pain daily. ouch! This usually happens at night. It is a deathly pain. It reaches deep within and haunts me. It grips me. Fear sometimes takes hold of me.

But there will be joy again in the morning.

I don't have much left to say

2011-09-18T23:12:00.000-07:00

pain released

2011-09-12T23:02:00.000-07:00

"Pain is weakness leaving the body."

Read the quote above on a t-shirt.

Liked it.

I'm in pain. The yuck is being released.

Pain from my past.

Pain from my present.

Pain.

When I am weak. He is strong.

Deliverance in progress. Enter at your own risk.

Enter into His presence.

A risk worth taking.

Take the risk.

Me.Today. Conspiracy

2011-08-30T09:27:00.000-07:00

Every now and again a girl has to wait. Tarry. Take a look into the dark. The conspiracy of her own mind. The thoughts of others. The mind of Christ. It's all girl.

This girl. I wait on the Lord for He knows my thoughts, struggles and worries.

He is bigger, stronger, more beautiful then the worries.

I have Jesus. Life can be good. I'm tired but I wait. Patiently?

anyway you look at it.....

New International Version (©1984) I will wait at the fords in the desert until word comes from you to inform me."

New Living Translation (©2007) I will stop at the shallows of the Jordan River and wait there for a report from you."

English Standard Version (©2001) See, I will wait at the fords of the wilderness until word comes from you to inform me.”

New American Standard Bible (©1995) "See, I am going to wait at the fords of the wilderness until word comes from you to inform me."

GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995) I'll wait at the river crossings in the desert until I receive a message from you."

King James Bible See, I will tarry in the plain of the wilderness, until there come word from you to certify me.

I find commentary's interesting....I like this from Gill's
"until there come word from you to certify me; of the truth of the conspiracy, of the number of the conspirators, and who they are, what progress they have made, whether come to Jerusalem, and how they behave there, if come; or of anything relative hereunto he could get intelligence of."

Me. Today. Pawn Shop King

2011-08-25T09:23:00.000-07:00

Can I be the Pawn Shop Queen?

Jesus gives us gifts wrapped up in words and music..today I received such a gift.

Me.Today. The simple things

2011-08-22T09:50:00.001-07:00

Jack Johnson takes me to the happy place in my heart.....

Me. Today. Driving Crazy

2011-08-18T23:38:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the Lord has you make a "sharp right", today is that day.

He's taking me out of my comfort zone, whatever that is?

I'm ready to leave the past behind and press on to what the future holds.

Even though it's messy.

The word of God will increase and multiply in spite of the enemy's plans!
Read Acts 12

I will move forth as the Lord calls in spite of the road blocks.

I'm longing for that deeper call...He knows and is mapping out my journey.

Crazy happens on the road that leads home

"I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Philippians 4:13

Me. Today. A new tradition

2011-08-14T21:12:00.000-07:00

I long to have tradition in my little family. Yet, I hate route prayer such as dinner time and bed time praying. Maybe because that is the only time growing up that I remember praying with my Mom and Dad to Jesus. Both (prayers to me) seem like they need to be rushed to get to the "good stuff" like eating and sleep.

On the other hand. I want my girls to go to bed thinking on Jesus. I don't want the last words they here to be " GIRLS...GO TO BED....shhh.....NOW" which is the tradition we presently hold to..sigh

Tonight was different. Jesus answered my desire of establishing creative, memorable tradition.

We sang our prayers to Jesus.

What is usually a 30 second prayer time ( if any at all) turned into 20 minutes of silly, beautiful, amazing praises and prayers to their Saviour!

I think we have a new tradition...singing our hearts to Jesus before bed time...

And then HE speaks.....

2 Samuel 22

David’s Song of Praise

¹ David sang to the LORD the words of this song when the LORD delivered him from the hand of all his enemies and from the hand of Saul. ² He said:

“The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
³ my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield and the horn of my salvation.
He is my stronghold, my refuge and my savior—
from violent people you save me.

⁴ “I called to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and have been saved from my enemies.
⁵ The waves of death swirled about me;
the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
⁶ The cords of the grave coiled around me;
the snares of death confronted me.

⁷ “In my distress I called to the LORD;
I called out to my God.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came to his ears.
⁸ The earth trembled and quaked,
the foundations of the heavens shook;
they trembled because he was angry.
⁹ Smoke rose from his nostrils;
consuming fire came from his mouth,
burning coals blazed out of it.
¹⁰ He parted the heavens and came down;
dark clouds were under his feet.
¹¹ He mounted the cherubim and flew;
he soared on the wings of the wind.
¹² He made darkness his canopy around him—
the dark rain clouds of the sky.
¹³ Out of the brightness of his presence
bolts of lightning blazed forth.
¹⁴ The LORD thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded.
¹⁵ He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy,
with great bolts of lightning he routed them.
¹⁶ The valleys of the sea were exposed
and the foundations of the earth laid bare
at the rebuke of the LORD,
at the blast of breath from his nostrils.

¹⁷ “He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
¹⁸ He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
¹⁹ They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
²⁰ He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.

²¹ “The LORD has dealt with me according to my righteousness;
according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me.
²² For I have kept the ways of the LORD;
I am not guilty of turning from my God.
²³ All his laws are before me;
I have not turned away from his decrees.
²⁴ I have been blameless before him
and have kept myself from sin.
²⁵ The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness,
according to my cleanness in his sight.

²⁶ “To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
²⁷ to the pure you show yourself pure,
but to the devious you show yourself shrewd.
²⁸ You save the humble,
but your eyes are on the haughty to bring them low.
²⁹ You, LORD, are my lamp;
the LORD turns my darkness into light.
³⁰ With your help I can advance against a troop;
with my God I can scale a wall.

³¹ “As for God, his way is perfect:
The LORD’s word is flawless;
he shields all who take refuge in him.
³² For who is God besides the LORD?
And who is the Rock except our God?
³³ It is God who arms me with strength
and keeps my way secure.
³⁴ He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he causes me to stand on the heights.
³⁵ He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
³⁶ You make your saving help my shield;
your help has made me great.
³⁷ You provide a broad path for my feet,
so that my ankles do not give way.

³⁸ “I pursued my enemies and crushed them;
I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
³⁹ I crushed them completely, and they could not rise;
they fell beneath my feet.
⁴⁰ You armed me with strength for battle;
you humbled my adversaries before me.
⁴¹ You made my enemies turn their backs in flight,
and I destroyed my foes.
⁴² They cried for help, but there was no one to save them—
to the LORD, but he did not answer.
⁴³ I beat them as fine as the dust of the earth;
I pounded and trampled them like mud in the streets.

⁴⁴ “You have delivered me from the attacks of the peoples;
you have preserved me as the head of nations.
People I did not know now serve me,
⁴⁵ foreigners cower before me;
as soon as they hear of me, they obey me.
⁴⁶ They all lose heart;
they come trembling from their strongholds.

⁴⁷ “The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!
Exalted be my God, the Rock, my Savior!
⁴⁸ He is the God who avenges me,
who puts the nations under me,
⁴⁹ who sets me free from my enemies.
You exalted me above my foes;
from a violent man you rescued me.
⁵⁰ Therefore I will praise you, LORD, among the nations;
I will sing the praises of your name.

⁵¹ “He gives his king great victories;
he shows unfailing kindness to his anointed,
to David and his descendants forever.”

Me. Today. My soul refreshed

2011-08-09T23:38:00.001-07:00

My soul was aching for Gospel. I almost took my girls to Watts...serious. Then I saw this.

Me.Today. A friend came near.

2011-08-06T07:01:00.000-07:00

In a dream.

I've never met this new friend. She had dark, curly hair, ringlets like a little girl. It was as if we met in elementary school or maybe it was because she was at the end of her life, battling cancer that she became a little girl. She walked the party free without feeling insecure a feeling she said that she has never felt before. Free. She usually hid behind a bitter smile, judging others inside while showing a smile that could light up the world. She said the ugly, bite is a feeling she had carried with her forever but noticed it was slowly fading. She came to the party with her husband...He was everything she had always dreamed of, he rescued her from the dark depths of despair. Her life. The inside ugly feeling. He gave her a ring as she came up out of the baptism.

She was a new child. Rescued. Saved.

Yet, she carried the pain with her. Not letting go. He, her husband knew her pain and handed it over to the Lord daily because this he could not rescue her from..only He could.

He (her beautiful super man of a husband) was hit with the pain of her bitterness daily. This she is sorry for.

But today she was free.

The dark, curly haired little girl fascinated me. I knew her? No, I didn't. She ignored her husband the whole night. Not because she didn't want to be near him but because she new she was letting go. We set at the table for dinner. Banquet tables with white linen. Guests dressed in casual attire fitting for the weather. Dark, gray, cloudy evening. We were in lounge wear. Sweats. Tired souls from the long journey. She sat next to me. Her husband circled the tables chasing a toddler who was too busy to sit down. That in itself was beautiful but he never took his eyes off of us. Yes, the two of us sitting together at the banquet table. The dark, curly haired beauty began to look at each guest one by one and thanked them for loving her. She told each one what they meant to her and offered up encouragement to continue in this life. Everyone at the party new of this dark, curly haired girl...except me. I knew her from pictures. But didn't know her.

She looked at me.

I was the last one she spoke to. She asked me if I was ready for the next part of the journey in my life. I smiled a tear filled, exhausted smile. And said, "let His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven." She smiled and whispered, "Heaven my soon to be new home. Cancer is walking me to my Saviour." Then this dark, curly haired "little girl" said, "what do you want to do next?" I said, " enjoy the memories of you, my life, accomplishments, share the wealth with others and be a mom. Be a mom with lots of kids. And be a good wife. A great wife."

Rather peculiar statement by me because I am a single mom with two kids. But it's a dream right?

This dark, curly haired beauty looked at me and said, " you are a good mom, a good wife. I pass on my dream to you...enjoy chasing those babies."

Then we looked down, and noticed coloring pages. We began to color them not noticing what the other guest were doing. When I looked up as we finished our pages, we had both colored in the lines, grass green, sky blue, pretty princess in pink with dashes of blue in her sashes.

A rainbow color on kiddie coloring pages, colored exactly the same.

We were the last ones to leave the party. She kissed her husband who was holding the busy toddler then walked away.

She was headed to another banquet. Only she was invited. A feast between the dark curly haired girl and her beloved Saviour.

She looked back at me (the dark, curly haired beauty) with that smile that could light up the world, bitterness had faded as she blew me a kiss.

xo

Me.Today. Missing sweet angel pie

2011-07-24T21:31:00.000-07:00

Missing my sweet angel pie , a nick name for my daughters and miss Gina....

My friends and I have silly names for each other..call it sisterhood sillies.

I grew up with a brother and always wanted a sister... The Lord blessed me with a few..but the one I am missing today is my sister, Gina.

She went to live with Jesus almost 1 year ago and my heart still aches with sadness and screams with joy as I remember "Q" ...I always think Gina resembled Queen Esther in the Bible. The Lord blessed Gina with a messy calling which she was obedient to....right up until the Lord opened up His arms to welcome her home.

One of my favorite photos that Gina took..
I call it: art, a friendship before me.

"The cross before me. The world behind me."
Jay was Gina's first new friend in Asheville..she adored his family and his listening ear.

sweet angel pie= a great friend

I laugh, she didn't like pictures taken of her. She would say, "now why did you post that picture to your blog?" I once told her.."get in front of that camera girl, your kids need to know how beautiful you are inside and out"

sweet angel pie= classic beauty & a great mom.

She loved her photography family....Jeff made her laugh, smile. So did this community.
This makes me happy.

Sweet angel pie= great photographer, giver of laughter as well as one who loved to be on the receiving end of joy.

She loved her family...

sweet angel pie= A great sister...

She knew of gifts that I didn't even know I had..she exposed my creative side.

She became the sister I dreamed of as a little girl.

She encouraged my missionary spirit, ya know the one who wants to change the world...she liked my big dreams...

She gave me new friends...in our circle of love....friends who will never forget.

Sweet angel pie= we will never forget.

September 25th, the day I heard of Gina's exit from this world.

I will be celebrating this September 25th, 2011..doing something really special...

Me. Today. Running into His arms of Love

2011-07-20T21:28:00.001-07:00

In the mountains, under the shadow of a shade tree..He comes to me.

In my darkest hour, when He is my only hope and I fear I won't find Him. He comes to me.

I know His love, His tender touch.

How could I love Him less? He holds me. He fills my bent and battered cup, the cup has been

kicked, dented, lost...He shines it and fills it.

It's Beautiful. I'm beautiful because He says so.

Bad choices covered by Grace and forgiveness.

Friends who died too soon.

Dreams that take my breath away..yet I stray.

I can't trust right now. The vision is too large to escape.

Maybe He made it too big so that I would never find my way out as far and as fast as I can run....I run but there is no end in sight.

He is eternal. The dream. The vision eternal.

So in my lack of faith, trust, hope, not wanting to disappoint. Yet staying obedient will disappoint many of His children..can I run Lord?

He says yes, The Lord Speaks:

"but I've planned for this time, your fear, your lack of hope. Donna, I've covered it with Grace. That hurts. I know, do you wish everything would have gone perfectly? Do you wish obedience wasn't messy? Do you wish that walking with me was easy? If I did not allow you to fall, to doubt; If I did not hold you when you look into my eyes asking me to allow you to stop; If I did not love you through your pain and mistakes; I wouldn't be the Lord, the world wouldn't see Grace..they would see human tenacity, they would see human strength. But now, they see your beautiful humanness and my ability to love you through your faults. Your lack of hope. Your wanting to run."

Run, into my arms, my Love. Grace is waiting to embrace you.

Tonight.

So I wait..and try to trust.
Thank you for loving me Lord, even when my heart can't trust.

Me. Today Had to Share

2011-07-09T10:55:00.000-07:00

Reading as much as I can while caring for my two busy girls. Had to share.

Sometimes I get lonesome for a storm. A full-blown storm where everything changes. The sky goes through four days in an hour, the trees wail, little animals skitter in the mud and everything gets dark and goes completely wild. But it's really God- playing music in his favorite cathedral in heaven- shattering stained glass- playing a gigantic organ- thundering on the keys- perfect harmony- perfect joy.

excerpt from Essays written by Joan Didion- in Slouching Towards Bethlehem

"I don't need anymore personal storms but I'll take the thunder from our Lord"
xo Donna