tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76239604822942599192024-02-19T07:07:56.288-08:00The Legacy Of ElizabethThe LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped Psalm 28:7Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.comBlogger182125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-90508212716175437382015-01-11T16:18:00.000-08:002015-01-11T16:18:07.423-08:00Me Today: In Spite of MeWhen my girls were born or maybe even before, I had a dream about how I would raise my children. I would homeschool them, teach them about the Lord and instill in them a desire to meet with the Lord in daily quite times. I love the Lord and have had seasons in which I am meeting with Him in daily quite times but three years ago something changed. I became divorced. A single mom with more responsibility than I ever thought possible. I was suddenly on my own. The Lord has been faithful to me in whatever season I am in. If I am practicing spiritual disciplines, He is there. If I am going through a dry season and I don't feel close to Him, He is there. I've felt close to the Lord these past three years but I haven't been practicing spiritual disciplines such as reading my Bible daily. I worship Him through music but my heart is weary and I often wonder if He is disappointed. The He shows up and whispers to me that He knows my heart and loves me dearly. Even though, I continue to have the desire to teach my girls about Jesus. We go to church, Tabitha is on the worship team and she talks of the Lord often. But we as a family don't worship the Lord or do we? Years ago the Lord taught me that one of the most important things I can do is to walk and talk with my children about Him. We don't "sit" with Jesus as a family but I notice that we talk about Him constantly. As something comes up on the news or the girls are struggling with a friendship or their homework, we talk about how the Lord is in it all. We talk about Jesus. This doesn't excuse the fact that Bible reading and family time is important but what I am showing my girls is Gods grace, When they fall short, He is there. In spite of my lack of leadership in our family, He is there. <br />
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It was late, and Tabitha was up way past her bedtime. As I was asking her to go to sleep she picked up a devotional and said she wanted to read her Bible before she went to sleep. I just smiled and said of course. In spite of me, God is whispering to Tabitha and Sophie that He is there. That the Bible is important and that He loves them with all His heart. They know His grace. They are experiencing it daily. Following the Lord is messy around here but in spite of us, He shows up.Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-42710637720512661272014-09-21T15:15:00.001-07:002014-09-21T15:27:40.440-07:00Me today: Just another day? <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA8UY4ItTx7bsXn0kPgeyBxqQwVkLhs5ByaCMjDgEjbRDBzegksIW-5wbaNCYPu8cR2H6AH50ZKklOWBj9hpMVHBXbu75Ak2ifMPR0BVD4CdZU0JyoBh_ndKZZPC__4z3imXjj5eEHzg4/s1600/donna+4H+necklace+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA8UY4ItTx7bsXn0kPgeyBxqQwVkLhs5ByaCMjDgEjbRDBzegksIW-5wbaNCYPu8cR2H6AH50ZKklOWBj9hpMVHBXbu75Ak2ifMPR0BVD4CdZU0JyoBh_ndKZZPC__4z3imXjj5eEHzg4/s1600/donna+4H+necklace+2.jpg" height="200" width="161" /></a>We were in the car, my girls and I. An average Sunday. We were driving to church and out of the blue my oldest daughter said, "my friends brother is bi-polar." It was the opportunity I have been praying about for years; the day I would tell my girls one of my secrets. I replied, "so am I." My daughters were a bit surprised but in a curious way. They immediately understood the difference between someone who takes their medication and someone who doesn't. You see, their Dad is bi-polar too. He has a duel diagnosis. Bi-polar runs on both sides of the family. The difference is, I don't fit into the Bi-polar box. I don't have extreme highs although I've had a couple over the years.I have more lows then highs and I don't drink and go on spending sprees. I have two children. I'm a single mom and I go to school full time. I work. I've owned a business. I'm currently helping a friend get her business of the ground. I'm as normal as we know normal to be.<br />
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I'm writing a book. It's in the editing process. Thoughts haunt me that I shouldn't publish it<br />
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because I am not a professional writer. If I believed those lies that haunt me, then all of my Bi-polar friends would be missing out. They may feel alone, afraid of who they are or what they will become. You see, several of my Bi-polar friends are young. My book is for the lost, the believer who may judge and for those young friends.It's for Bi-polar believers and non believers as well. I'm openly sharing my journey. The good, the bad and the ugly. It's my journey and there is nothing to fear. I'm not afraid of being Bi-polar and I'm not afraid of you knowing my secrets. A friend once told me, "we are as sick as our secrets." I guess writing my story makes me one well person. `Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-79823047436651351502014-05-24T10:04:00.003-07:002014-05-24T10:04:54.109-07:00My new favorite song...i'm finding joy<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/uPy0ctqMwE0" width="560"></iframe>Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-67042670769271305722014-05-18T17:40:00.000-07:002014-05-18T17:57:41.192-07:00Me. Today Seeking Joy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I came off of a high...school was hectic,I finished my field practicum hours at NAMI and my typical single mom schedule and daily life kept me busy. School is taking everything I have at this point and writing on my blog comes in last place. Sadly, I love writing here. I need this to be my escape. I was asked recently how my book was coming along. It is on hold until my two month break in October where I can take a mental break from school and relax into the writing of " Crazy Happens on the Road that leads Home" It's funny. I want to forget the dream of publishing a book. Really who is going to read a book from an unknown author except my family and friends? Well, my therapist and all of the therapists in her office said they would buy a copy....she said my story was inspirational. hmmm. It's not about money or sales or I wouldn't even think about writing. It's for me and the few it may help. It's about a girl with faith of a mustard seed who has a dream. She is Bipolar. A Bipolar Believer. It will confuse theologians and hopefully give hope to those that struggle as I do. A girl with a Christian faith who no matter what she does, finds herself in darkness with the lows and the light of emotional highs. It's confusing to me. But it's me.<br />
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Today, I'm seeking joy. I will rest knowing that my faith says there is nothing I can do to make Him love me any more than He already does. I need to re-discover that joy. Today, I'm seeking joy in the midst of the emotional chaos.<br />
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If you relate, don't give up.<br />
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<br />Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-29806401260039341352013-12-27T17:00:00.000-08:002013-12-27T17:00:20.959-08:00Me. Today. Christmas, eating.Christmas has come and gone. I feel as though I was in the moment but a part of me maybe doesn't feel as though I celebrated in my heart enough. Jesus' birth is important to me but we didn't talk much about it. Not because I'm not passionate about Jesus but because my heart felt as though it was in a place of mourning. <br />
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Mourning what? I'm not even sure. It wasn't one thing but my life how it was "supposed" to be. I wasn't supposed to be a single mom, it wasn't in the plan. I wasn't supposed to be overweight. It was never in the plan....and on and on. <br />
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I'm continuing with the theme of healthy body image, over eating etc. Why? Because unfortunately it's a big part of my life and there have been several women who have encouraged me to write about this topic because they too struggle. For every women who has told me, another is silently struggling. So I am taking the direct approach about who I am and what I am struggling with for all to see. <br />
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I've lived with shame for way to long. There was a silent scream that came from within as a child and it continued into adulthood until I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior! But I wasn't fixed instantly. Other addictions, vanished. My food addiction has followed me like a dark shadow. Over the holiday season, I ate like there was not going to be a tomorrow. ( I love to give myself a good excuse to go all out) ugh. This year, starting now, I'm not going to use my weight as a safety net. I don't need it to feel safe. The Lord is my safety net, He is my shield in who I can trust! <br />
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What is your false sense of security? Where do you go to receive comfort when we should be falling into the arms of our Savior? <br />
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The really wonderful thing! There is NO condemnation, shame, guilt found in Christ. So we can get up, start over and know He is the one who really is in control. We just need to invite Him in to that dark space. <br />
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Lord, come into that dark space in my heart. Fill me, heal me and take my down a path and teach me how to not depend on food as comfort. It's an addiction, a daily struggle. But with you I can do anything! <br />
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Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-31794742910749892942013-11-30T17:03:00.001-08:002013-11-30T17:04:23.247-08:00Me. Today. Exercising Passionately Journal entry....<br />
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Exercising passionately. Passionately is an odd word to choose in describing my latest exercise experience but I can't help but to feel passionate about it. It's changing my life and the way I look at food and myself. My last blog post was on October 13th about over eating and the reason there has been such a lapse in posting is because I haven't over eaten! Something clicked. I'm not going to food to heal my broken heart. Overeating has been a tool that I have used for years when I am in denial. Recently, I came out of denial with my diagnoses of Bipolar Disorder that I have known about and lived with for about twenty years. I run on the depressive end and honestly long for a few manic moments yet they are few and far between. What I have always really wanted was to be "normal", whatever that means. Bipolar does not define me but it is a fact and it is a part of who I am. You will never hear me talk about it outside of my close knit group of friends ( unless the subject comes up naturally). I don't announce it when I walk inside a room, yet I'm not afraid or ashamed of it either.<br />
Exercising passionately. I don't have a choice, it seems to be what keeps me from being down. It's a "med" that doesn't come in a bottle and it's a tool the Lord gave me as I prayed for something to give in my life, something to change. He helped me to see what I was lacking in my life. It's an amazing group of people that I exercise with weekly and the accountability helps as well. Plus, it kicks me in the but every week, gets me out of a funk and leads me to health and wellness for me and my family.<br />
Mind, body and spirit are connecting. I'm connecting.<br />
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Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-58829503095274677142013-10-13T15:27:00.000-07:002013-10-13T15:27:49.024-07:00Me.Today ExerciseJournal entry:<br />
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For the past few weeks, I've taken my overeating seriously. I realize it is self sabotage to happiness in my life. I've had good days and bad and a few horrible days. It seems when I tell others that I am doing something regarding my weight, I do the opposite. Self sabotage to happiness. Well, I continue to face this demon in my life and tonight I am adding on exercise. Not a lot, just enough to kick me into gear. Something manageable that I can do from home and then I will build from there. I don't want to set out to fail. The good news, I didn't beat my self up for the horrible days! I forgave myself quickly and moved on. That is progress to be proud of. When we overeat, a lot of this behavior comes from self hate. I am learning to go easy on myself which in turn will heal me.<br />
How are you doing?<br />
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<br />Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-16873698191748534672013-10-05T14:44:00.002-07:002013-10-05T22:32:39.299-07:00Me.Today...loved <br />
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We were on the Huntington Beach pier, when a young man ran out of the gift shop we were standing in front of, slowed to look me in the eyes and said, "wow, check out the sunset." Honestly up until then I hadn't noticed it and it seemed to me that this man noticed, or was he simply being used by the Lord to say, "Donna, look at my beauty, my surroundings. Do not worry about the world and the weight of your problems. Set your eyes on me." I am loved by the Lord. He sends messengers to remind me.<br />
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When I'm in my head, I tend to overeat and not notice the beauty around me. I want to create a protective shield so that no one will notice me and for me that shield is layers of fat. It's horrible, feels wrong, and I hate myself for doing it but I can't seem to break this cycle. Well, I'm on the path to breaking this cycle. Anyone who has been abused tends to want to hide in shame. I didn't realize until recently that I carry a lot of shame in the label divorced. I've been divorced for three years but the shame is just rearing it's ugly face. I am attending a support group, "New Beginnings" which feels appropriate for where my life is headed...</div>
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It was Huntington Beach pier again, when a rough and tough looking guy in his twenties or should I say a group of about six guys handed my eight year old a flower, just because they wanted to make her smile. </div>
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The message is beautiful...I am loved and He lets me know in mysterious and beautiful ways.</div>
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Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-11380638688770932742013-09-25T11:56:00.001-07:002013-09-25T11:57:51.053-07:00Me Today...Not giving up the good stuff<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm on a mission to be healed from emotional eating. It's not healthy when I go to food because there is pain that I am running from and food is the refuge I seek to accomplish the soothing comfort I need. I've lost fifty pounds in the past three years and I don't run to food as much as I used to but it is still there. That ache to run to food, is there. Giving up emotional eating and going on a binge does not mean giving up the good stuff. You don't have to give up baking pumpkin bread and replace it for carrots and celery. If that where the case I would fall of the wagon as soon as I get on. Right now I am in hyper vigilant mode because I need to cleanse and get back on track and loose some of the weight that I have gained over the past five weeks when I ate like a mad women during my Statistics class. I would literally be so stressed out that I would go through a fast food restaurant as soon as I got out of class at 10:00 pm at night, to feed my stress. Just within the past three days of eating gluten free, sugar fee, I feel like a new person.<br />
Once I get back on track, I will be <a href="http://www.food.com/recipe/gluten-free-pumpkin-bread-393411">baking gluten free treats</a> for my family and I will have one treat after dinner and not use it as a tool to relieve the pain within.<br />
It's a bit frightening to go to this place of freedom because I've been hiding the pain and covering it with food. When I'm not using food to cover the pain it will rise up and I will have to face the ache that has been hiding for so long.<br />
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Do you have an inner ache? You may not even be aware of what it is until you stop overeating. When the pain arises don't run in fear, face it, cry and be cleansed and be proud that you went another day without eating emotionally.<br />
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<br />Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-50742425538720348652013-09-24T23:39:00.001-07:002013-09-25T11:35:04.592-07:00Me Today...emotional eating no moreIn my book that will be published one of these days, I have a chapter titled mamma has a knew pair of jeans. It's about eating disorders. Growing up, I struggled with a few different eating disorders but one that has yet to leave is over eating. When I am stressed, I go to comfort food. I will be posting my journey here for all who would like to follow. I'm hoping that putting it here will encourage others in my position who struggle with the same issue....<br />
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Today, I ate well, healthy, gluten free and when I wanted to grab something to eat at 10:00 pm after taking a Statistics final, I grabbed carrots. </div>
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One day at a time. </div>
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How about you? If you don't go to food when you struggle with stress, how do you process your pain? I am hoping to spend more time exercising along with journal entries and more time with the Lord.</div>
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<i>ps this is hard to write about because over eating is so socially accepted. I don't judge anyone but if you are ready to break free, take this journey with me!</i></div>
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<i>See you tomorrow. </i></div>
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Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-81726332079667325642013-06-23T01:28:00.000-07:002013-06-23T01:28:17.653-07:00<div class="heading passage-class-0">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Isaiah 25:4</span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text Isa-25-4" id="en-NIV-18123"><sup class="versenum">4 </sup>You have been a refuge for the poor,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-25-4">a refuge for the needy in their distress,</span></span><br /><span class="text Isa-25-4">a shelter from the storm</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-25-4">and a shade from the heat.</span></span><br /><span class="text Isa-25-4">For the breath of the ruthless</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-25-4">is like a storm driving against a wall</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-25-4">This is my confirmation that I will be doing my field practicum in the area of psychiatric care of the elderly. Please pray that the Lord provides the perfect care facility where I will learn and be blessed by elderly who are usually forgotten. I have a heart for the elderly as I was close to my Grandmother and spent one year before her passing in a care facility with her everyday reading the Bible to her. This was such a beautiful time with the Lord for both of us as she was my spiritual mentor. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-25-4">Thank you Lord that you are giving me the responsibility and blessing of caring for the elderly in need of care. </span></span></span></div>
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Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-70311541874626415632013-05-27T01:45:00.000-07:002013-05-27T01:45:00.032-07:00Me. Today. Pressing into GodI was reminded today that the pain does not go away.<br />
That pain that is big coming from wounds deep, yet God is near. And He is hear to stay.<br />
But I do feel the pain going away. The pain from my friend dying suddenly by suicide. The pain of a divorce due to domestic violence and affairs.<br />
Yes, the pain is real and hard but it's leaving. It's being replaced by beauty, His beauty that He can only find. He is the only one, my Lord that can mend my broken heart. And He is.<br />
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Do you ever carve a path of pain in your own life?<br />
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I read blogs and go on Facebook only to find myself jealous which is something new that has come up within my heart, my new ugly monster within. Even though the pain is less I continue to carve a path of pain. But God says this for my life.<br />
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It is finished. The pain, the heartache, the brokenness of despair. The games that have been played within my mind....it is finished.<br />
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I give Jesus the jealousy of wanting the perfect family life that everyone else out there in cyber world seems to have, and I let Him forgive me and set me free.<br />
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Today I am free from the fantasy that everyone else is fine and I'm not, I know better.<br />
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I'm in the process of writing a book.....<br />
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"Crazy Happens on the Road that Leads Home"<br />
<i> A Redemptive Journey</i><br />
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<i>kicking down the white picket fence of suburbia... memoirs of Donna Bishop Wirth</i>Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-79298948747211529882013-03-23T12:08:00.002-07:002013-03-27T09:31:26.018-07:00Me Today. What I learned in Michigan<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I had the beautiful opportunity to visit the state of Michigan last week. When I arrived I was greeted by the ladies from the <a href="http://www.thelegacyconference.com/">Legacy Conference</a> and stayed the night with Corrine who has walked the journey of single motherhood for almost ten years. I am new to the single motherhood life so it was an encouragement I had not expected to get from the trip. I could have left the next day and my heart would have been lifted with hope to endure this new journey which sometimes frightens me. <br />
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My heart has been overwhelmed since I arrived home. I hug my babies closer, I appreciate the sunshine as the gals there only seem to get five months of great weather. All though I think God smiled down on Michigan upon my arrival because there was sun, snow and a sunset over Lake Michigan that made me think for a moment that Heaven will look a bit like "this". I left a bit of my heart in Michigan but know California is home. It is a awkward, sometimes dark and grimy place with smog and bitterness in the air but, I know it. It is familiar, it is noisy enough for me to run away and hide in my pain but the smell of the ocean and beaches that many envy are a quick hideaway if needed.<br />
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What I learned: The DePoy family have hearts of Gold and a love big enough for strangers that challenges the spirit to want to grow. I had a heart to heart with Pastor Jerry DePoy Sr. and it was what this girl needed. He challenged why I am going to school for Psychology. I had the answers and we both walked away from the conversation stretched out of our comfort zone. Which I love. I don't appreciate people in my life who let me stay stuck. My sweet friends of twenty years lovingly challenge me. He did too. What a man of wisdom, grace and love for friends close and strangers he calls family. Mrs, DePoy was a complete jewel who made me feel comfortable from the start.<br />
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Women whom I met, all of them, loved on me and accepted me with the grace of Jesus. <br />
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Michigan made me face my emotional fears. I told the story of how I met Jennifer from the<a href="http://www.thelegacyconference.com/"> Legacy Conference</a> I think ten to twenty times which made me face the tangible, heart felt fact that I met this loving family and ministry because <a href="http://www.exodusasheville.com/">Jay DePoy Jr</a>. told me that my friend had committed suicide. Gina always loved a happy ending. I know she is smiling in Heaven. <br />
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I learned that spiritual sisters in Christ are connected. I knew that but I felt as though I had met these ladies of Legacy already. It's as if we were long lost friends that reconnected. <br />
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What a see and goals I have coming home from Michigan:<br />
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*To love on my girls, nurture them through the trauma they continue to experience because of the abuse I went through during my marriage. Yes, that is real and it's my story. Their Dad is a person loved by God with real pain and I married him. loving him but the pain goes deep for all of us and there is a road of healing we are all on even if it is separately and always will be.<br />
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*I am going to finish my book and realize that it is a book on awareness to the Church as well as those who do not find their faith in Jesus Christ. <br />
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* I have ideas for two more books so it's official. I'm a writer soon to be author. <br />
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*Finish school before I dive into ministry. I will continue down the road of healing but with hope in my heart. Lord willing, I will work with women who have experienced trauma possibly in the area of sex trafficking in the United States because it is a form of occult abuse and I understand that deep pain. Spiritual Counseling is a desire having the knowledge of how the mind works as we heal, mind , body and spirit. <br />
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* Help my best friend Heather to grow Blessednest.com it is a journey we have been on for over 10 years and we see that we are about to reach higher ground. It's exciting! <br />
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Yes. I am a blessed, busy, yet balanced girl, with freedom.<br />
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Oh, and I am not thinking about the fact that I am 47. I feel better then I ever have. So be it. Growing old is great.<br />
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Thank you for walking on this road of redemption with me. The road that leads home.<br />
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<br />Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-16419066859291283482013-02-14T22:30:00.001-08:002013-03-27T09:32:50.416-07:00Me. Today. Still Dreaming BigIt was the 1990's when I rededicated my life to the Lord. I was so eager to know the Lord on a deeper level that I believe He is the one who directed me down the path to Youth ministry at Mariners Church. It was there that I met Becky, who had a ministry to encourage women to grow closer to God through prayer and telling their story. I thought, "simple enough." I can pray and I can tell my story. So, I bought what I think was one of her first books written on the power of prayer.<br />
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Wild Things Happen When I Pray. I took the book literally and wanted this deep intimacy with the Lord found in prayer but I also wanted to partner with Him, praying in Faith with an expectant heart. This book encouraged me to dream through prayer. I took my inspirations on what life could possibly hold for me and brought it all to the Lord. He has been faithful to guide me. I also, read that Martin Luther King spent three hours a day praying, so I did too.<br />
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I believed and still do, that God can move mountains through prayer.<br />
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The Lord is doing the moving of the mountains but as C.S. Lewis says," through prayer we simply get to be a part of what God is already doing." I began to pray for our Government and anything I thought the Lord was showing me to pray for no matter how crazy it seemed. There was even a three year season when myself , a surfer, ex- drug user, Engineering Student from Brazil, getting his masters, got together and formed a prayer team specifically about the CIA and possible corruption. I know, we sound like complete crazy people.<br />
Regardless of what we are ...were. Crazy that is. We are dreamers, We, I, believe that God can do anything through prayer and I wanted to be a part of it.<br />
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I haven't prayed with this kind of authority in years. It's time to enter into this season again.<br />
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I had a dream in the 1990's and a girl, well my voice instructor, said," don't ever give up on that dream." I took voice lessons for one year because I needed to find my voice. In the midst of entering into a season of chaos when I was remembering childhood abuse, I had a hard time expressing myself. I couldn't even bring myself to worship. Did I take voice lessons because I wanted to be good at singing or be on the worship team? NO! I took them because I knew it would bring healing and it did. Singing helps me integrate my broken parts. <br />
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My Dream: To help women and children integrate their broken hearts and minds through the arts. music, acting, dance,art. Do I have a talent in these areas? No. But I have a dream to see women and kids who have no self esteem to jump out of the box and do something expressive with their bodies and minds. This concept for someone who has been abused is frightening! So, I am not giving up on my dream.<br />
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And guess what? I found out that their may be a masters program developing at my school in "Organizational Psychology." Can I dance, sing, act or draw? No, but I can find healing in doing so and I can organize a group to do it....in time.<br />
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Just reminding Myself that Wild Things Happen When I Pray........<br />
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<br />Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-26108859615166532052013-02-09T17:19:00.001-08:002013-02-09T17:19:54.401-08:00Me. Today. Psychology for laughs<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As some of you may know, I am attending Vanguard University working towards my Bachelors Degree in Psychology. While reading the text I came across something about Bipolar that actually made me laugh. I think it was the way they phrased it. Not so sure but it sounds like shrinks I have had in the past. "You are creative, if you're Bipolar that means you are extremely intelligent." (on and on) not much comfort for someone who feels like their head is going to explode.<br />
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My answer was always, "Who cares! Can you just fix it?"<br />
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Here is what my text book says about creativity and known people who have Bipolar disorder.<br />
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Creativity and Bipolar disorder:<br />
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<b> There are many creative artists, composers, writers, and musical performers with bipolar disorder, including Catherine Zeta-Jones, Virginia Wolf, Samuel Clemens ( Mark Twain) and Tim Burton, Madeleine L'Engle wrote in A Circle Of Quiet, : All the people in history, literature, art whom I admire: Mozart,Shakespeare,Homer, El Greco, St John, Chekhow, Gregory of Nyssa, Dostoevsky, Emily Bronte;</b><br />
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<b> NOT ONE OF THEM WOULD QUALIFY FOR A MENTAL HEALTH CERTIFICATE!</b><br />
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<i>I know who cares?</i> Just make the suffering and pain go away. I don't know about you but I don't fit into the famous artist category, but I am exploring my love for writing. It is what it is, but it made me laugh. I guess we are in good company. Going to a bipolar support group with the above gang would be rather humors. I'm starting to laugh about my life and have some joy in the unique way that the Lord has designed me.<br />
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This week I spoke with a gal who is struggling with her bipolar diagnosis. I've been there and for me it's been a journey of acceptance. I'm twenty years into my journey and still want it all to just go away. But it is real, here and I'm in good company.<br />
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I hope you know that you are too.<br />
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Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-25258114901314199742013-02-01T19:51:00.002-08:002013-02-01T23:30:30.579-08:00Me. Today. Ups and Downs<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My life is a roller coaster of ups and downs, I was born this way and then trauma added to the ride. My ups and downs are not extreme when I'm taking medication, but I can be having a normal, happy, joyful day then out of the blue, down I go like I was hit over the head with a sledge hammer.<br />
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It's exhausting but I'm learning to live with it.<br />
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My chemical imbalance is hereditary, and all though I do know the Lords healing in my life, I have to face the fact that I am a Bi-Polar believer.<br />
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It's hard to write this down because I have fear that you may judge me. But it will be in the book that I am writing so I figured, why not start revealing this aspect of my life now. As I work on my book, it is evolving into a book about awareness, showing the world around me that people may have struggles but we can function in everyday life doing all the things that you do. It's just that there is a battle within the mind as a Bi-Polar believer that goes beyond fighting against a spiritual realm.<br />
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It is reality that a Christian can struggle with depression and it has nothing to do with their walk. It is a chemical imbalance and it's real and nothing to be ashamed of.<br />
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Are you ashamed? I'm not anymore. Know that the way God created you is the way you are supposed to be. He did not make a mistake. If you struggle with mental health issues bring them to the Lord and get help but know that you are not alone.<br />
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<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/iOufqWodFNo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-37521699547924605192013-01-26T23:39:00.002-08:002013-01-26T23:39:27.796-08:00Me. Today. Single Mom<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I received a letter from my attorney yesterday that said, "We are done. There are no more court days on calendar." After a difficult divorce that ended August 10th 2012, there is closer.
I don't know how I feel. Peaceful, numb, in pain as some of the memories surface.
But the Lord loves me, I dive into His arms and stay there until I receive the rest and peace He promises. Today it hit me, I'm a single mom.<br />
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I know there are women out there that feel alone. They are dying inside. If you are one of those women please run into the arms of Jesus. It's there you will find peace.
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<b>Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27</b></div>
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Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-62638748479769183042012-12-04T17:14:00.000-08:002012-12-04T17:14:44.579-08:00Me today. No longer silent<br />
Sometimes I really don't like the fact that the Lord made me so sensitive. He gave me the gift of seeing the good in everyone! I am fascinated in why people do what they do. Yes. I know it is our sin nature but why do some dive off the slippery slop into the darkest of dark places while others simply think bad thoughts? I'm not angry at the world. I'm sad. When sin comes at me and my family, when there is rape, child molestation , abandonment, divorce, infidelity....it makes me ask why? It makes me want to run into the arms of my Saviour, Jesus Christ and stay there..the beauty of it is I can. Today, I wanted to just make it all go away, the pain in my life, in my daughters life. I can't "make" it go away but I can rest in Him and call, scream, cry out to Him. And I did. I feel a little bit better. My mind doesn't feel like it is taking over as much.<br />
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But when I read that 1 out of 6 boys is molested and 1 out of 5 girls, I want to throw up. Well I actually did! Part of my story ( which will be in the book that I am writing) is that I was molested at the age of 6 for about 1 year by a neighbor.<br />
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It was on the news this past weekend that a molester whom both myself and my daughter actually knew from a community we are involved, was arrested for child molestation he did in 2007. When my daughter said he seemed "nice and fun." My heart grieved for her confusion, for the boys abused in 2007 and for the man.<br />
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The man that jumped off into the deepest of darkest places of sin. The man that hurt me when I was little. The monster and yes, the man. Totally confusing. Why? <br />
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I hate that I know too much. I hate that I knew this man mentioned above. I hate that he had any contact with my girls. It opened up a HUGE wound in my heart from my childhood. I hate that I am always talking about things of depth.<br />
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I hate that I am publishing this. I hate that you now know this about me. But most of all I hate staying silent. I've been silent for too long and it has been out of fear. Fear of what you will think of me. The little girl in me is fearful yet the women in me says,"1-5 little girls is being molested in our world." I'm not the only one being silent. <br />
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Let's help to break the silence! <br />
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But if it just helps one of those 1-5 girls or 1-6 boys...then my transparency is worth it. <br />
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<a href="http://www.rainn.org/">RAINN</a> is a great resource if you know someone who has been effected by sexual abuse....<br />
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Sad, but a surviver....and a believer in the one who rescued me and will continue. My beloved Jesus Christ.<br />
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He is my only joy at times...thank you Lord<br />
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"The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am
helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him." Psalm 28:7<br />
~xoNesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-47774678456097245232012-11-15T06:21:00.002-08:002012-11-15T06:22:54.765-08:00Troubled.....<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Trouble and distress have overtaken me, but Your commands are my delight.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> Psalm 119</span></span>Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-3693092959056698892012-10-19T22:41:00.002-07:002013-02-03T07:49:45.297-08:00Me. Today. Broken HeartA friend shared this group with me and their words are healing my broken heart...sweet
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/6igVEFXTKHA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-59376068734320704642012-10-02T23:18:00.000-07:002013-02-03T07:50:15.308-08:00Me. Today. Oh, those kids<b>I love this song by Owl City</b>. I'm not sure if it's because I'm going through mid life crises, so all of these yippee skippy songs bring me back to my youth? Maybe it's because I have a nine year old and she likes this kind of music. (We sway between Christian music and non- we just like music.) Side note, non Christian music has opened up so many great conversations about life between me and my girls that I don't think we would have had if we listened to Christian music only. That's just me and my family...<br />
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<b>BUT</b>, back to the video...I think the real reason that I love this song and others like it, is because it reminds me of my days volunteering in high school youth ministry.
The Lord has given me a heart for high school kids. I don't have to go to South Africa or Watts to find hurting kids, they are right behind the white picket fence.
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<b>Several years ago, I volunteered</b> as a small group leader, ministering to several high school girls. They would come to church aching inside but couldn't tell their parents. How could these kids have problems? Their parents are not in gangs. They have money, annual passes to Disneyland...on and on..so what gives? Life does. These kids need mentors and I was called to it for 10 years. I still stay in touch with many of the kids I had in my youth group.
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<b>Now, I'm called</b> to working with kids and their moms. I'm not sure what that looks like in the bigger picture but this week, I saw a glimpse. One of my nine year olds new best friends lost her Dad at age 4, he was shot and killed and she saw it.
Would you know she had this past, this experience if you looked at her? NEVER. She has no apparent issues, sweet as can be. But I understand. I "have her number" and so does my daughter. They are both going through difficult times, emotions are exploding, anger arising and here they sit behind the white picket fence.<br />
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<b>Will anyone notice them?</b><br />
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<i><b>Yes, I will.</b></i><br />
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<i><b>Oh, those kids, praying..... </b></i><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/H7HmzwI67ec" width="560"></iframe>Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-24607049733734674372012-09-27T06:04:00.001-07:002012-09-28T06:43:48.173-07:00Me Today. God-initiative<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b> Meetings, school, take girls to gymnastics, write blog post's for several blogs, return calls, work, all good BUT.......</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> I'm in a season where the Lord is showing so much of what He has for me. The good...He is showing me that He will provide my every need even though at times, it hasn't felt like He would. I have trusted that the creator of this universe who is also my best friend and Dad, has my back. I will be writing a book over the next couple of years. I am attending school and will have my BA in psychology and hope to use it in ministry working with broken women and children, perhaps in a non-profit setting? I've been on a journey with the company Blessed Nest.com over the past 8 years helping a friend grow an amazing company and it is taking off like wild fire! It would be easy to get caught up in the "doing" of all of this. But then I am reminded that the Lord gave me this vision and He has it in His hand. All I have to do is not look to the taking but look to see who I can bless in the process. Then I won't worry about what I am missing out on in the journey, because when we give, we will be blessed even if all the above falls away.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">““If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of
which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take
pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get
you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond
to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss
over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your
life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about
missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.”
<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?version=MSG&search=Matthew%206:33" title="Matthew 6:33">Matthew 6:33</a> <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/index.php?action=getVersionInfo&vid=65" title="The Message">MSG</a></span></span><br />
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Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-48774214881654373642012-08-26T23:15:00.002-07:002012-08-26T23:15:55.116-07:00TomorrowMy girls start school tomorrow and I'm supposed to this week but my financial aid has not gone through as of yet so it may put me off another month or two. Am I frustrated? No! God is in control. He makes no mistakes so I'm in the waiting mode once again. I'm going to take this time to go deep with Jesus. I long for a deeper relationship with Him. I want to run off to India with my girls and do ministry but that's not an option. God has made it clear that my ministry is hear for now but it is unfolding very slowly. I know my family comes first. I know. But I know we as a family will be in ministry together. What does that look like for a single mom with two girls?
I have peace...I'll let you know what happens as my life unfolds.
I read on face book that a pastor friend is having a meeting at his house on what does in mean to follow Jesus....I want to go even though I have been walking with Him for 20 years.
What does it look like again?Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-47799596105992335262012-08-15T09:30:00.001-07:002012-08-15T09:30:41.644-07:00Me. Today. Death Has Lost and Love Has Won<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/I3kZ4cE-akw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7623960482294259919.post-11659465159215594852012-08-12T22:49:00.000-07:002012-08-12T22:49:47.141-07:00My divorce is final...sad, never wanted this.<br />
It's done.<br />
He rescued me from the pit and has set me on solid ground.<br />
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This is what He showed me today.<br />
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“Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.” Ephesians 2:10 MSG<br />
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The Lord is good always!Nesting Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05095313787468816465noreply@blogger.com0